Isabel Anguera
Professor Pindyck
Int. Seminar 1 – Memory
27 September 2017
A Search for the Source of Happiness
My younger years were happy ones, but they were also very different to those of my present. I am still happy, and I find that intriguing: how drastically my life has changed, while my happiness has stayed basically the same. I don’t think back on my childhood often—my adolescence maybe, my recent past, absolutely. But why do my memories from my childhood get ignored when I try to recall them? Is it personal? Or something that happens to most people?
As I reminisce on my past, I want to see if the floodgates will open. Will I remember more once I start? Will I realize something I couldn’t comprehend when those memories were my reality? I’m curious to see if I learn about my present self while reliving what’s happened to me in my past.
It Burns
I hear yelling as the clear liquid glides down my throat.
“NO, MIMI, DON’T”
Arms reach towards me; panic.
What had I done wrong? All I did was drink water.
But it burns; people pick me up.
A power hose is in my mouth; I’m scared.
I’m sad; I see my mom crying.
The water is too much and too strong, but it keeps going; drowning me.
I pass out.
At the doctor’s office I understand.
I had drunk bleach.
Hello Kippy
A soft, wiggly cloud of white fits perfectly in my tiny hands.
Her eyes barely open; I love her.
“Mom can we keep her?”
She’s mine.
Her name is Hello Kitty.
My mom says it’s not.
Okay her name is Kitty.
My mom says no.
Fine, her name is Kippy.
“That’s cute.”
Kinder
Excitement overcomes me as I unwrap the chocolate egg.
Snacks at Gioia’s house are the best.
White and orange envelop the hollow milk chocolate.
One piece breaks. A yellow case is revealed.
Inside: a toy.
Before building, I eat.
New People
New person; I hide behind Santi’s legs.
I look up at the big kid in front of me and back down at the girl my size next to him.
I’m pulled forward. I say “hi.”
We look at each other.
I’m embarrassed.
Back behind Santi’s legs I go.
The girl was my new best friend.
Lessons
“Look Mari, I can catch this butterfly,”
“Watch out, you don’t want to hurt it.”
I stop suddenly.
I’m confused and concerned.
What does she mean?
How can I hurt it if I don’t crush it?
“They have powder on their wings that helps them fly.”
I will never catch a butterfly again.
Birthday Princess
I feel happy.
People come in; I hear the trumpet.
Daniela is here.
Her blue dress and clear plastic heels pass by me.
Painted styrofoam covers the walls; they are now palace walls.
They are my palace walls.
I sit in my throne.
It’s my birthday; my princess party is the coolest.
Los Cinco Investigadores
My hideout is tucked behind the prickly cactus.
Only a few people know.
It’s the home of los cinco investigadores.
Dad knows it; he tells stories.
I run there when I’m sad,
I play there when I’m happy.
It’s the place behind the cactus that shields me from whomever I want.
I Could Do This Forever
I giggle and scream as I violently slide down the wooden steps.
The cushion I ride on was sent off by my brothers.
Here they come next. Chuckling loudly.
We go back up top.
I never get tired.
I could do this for forever.
We get told to stop.
I Can Do It Myself
“Let me go, let me go”
I get let go of, and down I sink to the bottom of the pool.
I hate the water up my nose.
I panic as I flail my arms.
She grabs me; air.
I wail.
“Why did you let me go?”
Premonitions
Out of nowhere the giant dog barks.
I jump.
He doesn’t stop barking.
He growls.
The other giant dog starts barking.
They are looking at the house.
Seconds later, we feel the ground moving.
An earthquake.
The glass chandelier in the house starts shaking.
Scarier: the man on the ladder fixing it does too.
It stops.
He’s okay.
Everything is okay.
Dogs are psychic.
Comfort Lights
I love my lights.
I love my room.
Strung across the windows, the butterfly forms float.
Emanating light.
Providing me comfort at night.
No More Cavities
No, no, no, no.
A long needle; a stinging pain.
As soon as it leaves my mouth, I cry.
I wrestle my way out of the chair.
I find my mom.
She tries to convince me to go back.
I don’t want to. I won’t.
I don’t care if I have a cavity; I won’t let him hurt me again.
I’m forced down.
He hurts me. I cry. I bleed. I have a headache. We go home.
Breakfast
I wake up to the smell of cut fruit and pancakes.
Freshly squeezed orange juice awaits me at the table.
I eat.
My dad walks by. His juice waits for him too.
He picks it up and I ask for a taste. His is Papaya.
It’s refreshing and smooth.
I give a relieved sigh and jump up from the table.
We leave.
The memories that came to mind were generally happy. I look back on those years and I believe I was happy. I am happy now too. I doubted the idea of these memories clearing anything up about my life, but I further understand the involvement of my family, and friends. People are important. I realize now more than before that a big part of why I am happy now is the people around me: my best friend, who understands me more than most, my new sister-in-law who brings a light energy into any situation. Remembering my earlier years, I realize that those people were just as, or more important in my life. Mari, who helped us in Peru was like a second mom to me, Fernando another older brother or uncle. Nostalgia about foods like Kinder Eggs makes me think about my best friend, Gioia, the person whom I’d eat them with. Nostalgia about Lima Golf links to the community of people that I came to know and love as I grew up.
Memories can be seen at face value, or they can be read into. There are reasons for why we remember some people, places, or experiences, especially when it comes to little details like taking a sip from your dad’s juice in the mornings. I didn’t see my dad all that much when I was younger, so I cherished the times when I did. Memories and which memories you remember can subconsciously make you understand why you felt a certain way, why something happened like it did. Memories are tools that will help understand not only your past, but your present as well.
