I’d kiss you here because

The lilacs remind me of the spring

And the tattoo on your forearm

I’d kiss you here because

Your shoulders are ticklish and

The resonance of your laugh is sweeter than

Those salted caramel milkshakes we shared out in Brooklyn

I’d kiss you here because

We are both human and

Tranquility settled in my stomach

I’d kiss you here because

The sunshine caressed my skin and

My fingers tingled to twirl in the curls

At the nape of your neck

I’d kiss you here because

The air is so quiet and

Your lips are clouds

I’d kiss you here because

The stars blinked

And I even drew you into a constellation

I’d kiss you here because

The sign said “kiss here” and

It is my goal to kiss you everywhere

—

*Inspired by the photo above — street art I saw in Brooklyn and also this Instagram page, who is the creator of this #placestokissyou movement which I think is really cute.

I tell you I won’t wait

But if you knock

I will throw my anger out the window

Because I am ready to hurt

Like this

All over again

If it means

Another night in your arms

Because I had never experienced

Anything as beautiful

As the sky above glass panels

At the Louvre

Or Mount Rainier through fog

And sunshine

Until stop lights

Reflected red onto your hands

And heat bubbled under my skin

I just wanted to be as pretty

As the ruffles I saw on sleeves

And I waited

For the cherry blossoms again

And again

Because heaven is an archipelago

And settling never appealed to me

As it seemed to friends

Or strangers

Sometimes this city feels like an island

And my body feels like a prison

And migratory patterns

Are the prettiest on blouses

—

*Artwork inspired by a lovely sticker I saw on a street lamp. “Break your heart, find your spine.”

Sometimes I go to write

And the courage in my head

Battles with the desire

To pick up my pen

And scribble more lines and curves

About the line of your jaw

Or the curve of your hip

But I think people are tired

Of reading more letters

With dedications to you

So I try settle the waves

My mind like the ocean

You like the ripples

A constant loop

And the wind blew my thoughts

But you are concrete

And roots

There is an endless amount of metaphors

But none of them fit

Anymore

Because you are gone

How many times do I need to write

You are gone

You are gone

You are gone

In order to repackage this bleating heart

But who wants secondhand gifts

Anyways

The paper is already torn and wrinkled

To match the worry lines

On my forehead

Because

Sometimes I go to write

And when I sit down

The only thing that comes to mind

Is you

And my fingers urge to click

But so much of my time

Has been devoted

Either to thinking or to writing

Trying to make sense of you

Even now as I sit here

And write this

I want to backspace

Its entirety

Because here am I again

Writing about you

When all I want to do

Is write about anything

Else

I’m worried

I’ve forgotten how

To write about anything

Else

—

*In the hopes that one day (soon) I will want to write about anything else. Artwork by me :~)

I’m trying to spend time

To sit with myself

Take her out to tea

Because I know she can’t drink coffee

Really sit down with her

And stare into her eyes

Even when she casts them downward

Out of habit

Spend some time

Getting caught up

Because it’s so easy to lose sight of her sometimes

She tries to do so much

Because she is scared she will never do enough

Even though she doesn’t like to admit it

She is scared of herself

Of losing herself

Her mind

Her time

She runs around trying to polish everything

While simultaneously reminding herself

That nothing in her life needs to be fixed

Because it is already perfect

As perfect as perfect can get

Because she struggles with perfection

Always has

Her mother will tell you

I keep phoning her

Trying to find time to get that cuppa

But she is busy

Because she prefers not to

Really inspect

All those things we both know

But try not to acknowledge too much

Out of fear of ourselves

Our mind is a run on sentence

A junction of cage and ocean

Unfamiliar by others

And barely known to ourselves

—

*When trying to rediscover who you have become while you were busy looking elsewhere. Artwork by me :~)

As I sat trying to calm

This uneasy heart

I skimmed pages

Maybe thirty in total

That I have marked up almost every single day

For the past three months

And I gave them a name

Chapter one: heartbreak

And I told myself that you were probably written

In almost every single page

Then I wondered

How many words

I had dedicated to you

When you don’t even have the

Audacity

To hold a conversation

But through those pages I can see myself grow

And wither

And yes it is tough but

They remind me why my first love was written

As my fingers hover over keys

And words feel tangled

—

*In times of confusion, I am consistently reminded of my love for writing and the great catharsis it provides for me. So I’m challenging myself to let go of the expectations that have unconsciously accumulated over the past few months and just sit down and write. I’m aiming to put up a piece every day for the month of March. Here is day one. Artwork done by me :~)

july kissed the rain

as the puddles cried over impermeable tar

& i wanted so bad

the sunshine to lick my face

but she reminds me that i am alone

with no one to lie with

—

*Here’s a fun gif I made as I work on a bigger (exciting) project!

It will hurt,

Until it doesn’t

And you will feel like an bird uncaged:

able

—

I.

I keep trying to write about you

About this

Because all my life all I’ve had

Is writing

To help me conceptualize

Whatever this is

I’m trying to comprehend how

My heart can ache and burn synchronously

But my fingers keep stumbling over lines

And letters

Because all I can do properly anymore

Is think about you

So I’ve taken to wearing headphones

But not even raising the volume helps

Because my thoughts just echo

Over the music and

The words just reverberate inside my skull

Somehow I can find a way to circle everything back to you

And I wonder if this is what I’ve been missing all my life

Heartbreak

II.

Maybe I can find a room

Equipped with the loudest speakers

So I can just stand alone

And play this song on repeat

So loud

That all the thoughts of you get drowned out

Instead of drowning me

III.

Have you ever felt empty and full at the same time?

Because as I sat there with the sun setting outside my window

I felt at once hallow and peaceful

And then my mind wandered back to you

Now I just feel hallow.

IV.

Can I just burn the clothes I wore

And dye my hair

And etch my body

And write sad words

Or will I still be this small empty person

In the end?

V.

There was a time when I stood in line

For love

For love

For love

But that was long ago

And now I’m queuing all over again

VI.

You can’t just message me 23 days later and expect me to be there. But the sad part is I’ll be there.

Why will I be there?

VII.

I think I’ve written enough words about you to fill three notebooks. I don’t want to give you that power.

I am too much of a control freak.

VIII.
What have you done to me? You’ve awoken this beast inside me but killed me all the same.

I’m floating.

—

*I wrote each of these at the same time but they just felt right as stand alone pieces so I decided to try something different and create some sort of amalgamation of tiny short writings that all relate but don’t have to be read sequentially or even together at all. I think the inspiration is obvious — meh.

Ninth of eleven

Mouths don’t move for fear of trembling lips

Staring into the possibility of darker futures than those we read in books

Eyes resemble marbles, glassed over and shiny, empty.

No more sparkle, no more smiles

Emotions dissipate into space

Fear covers flesh, a second skin

Classrooms resemble funerals

Homes like mourges

Questions asked, fingers scramble for answers that only the clock can give

Backtrack through decades

Power is hatred

Words are lost

Mind falters over hurdles

Hope requires a strength I cannot summon

Want nothing but embrace

Soft words to settle frights

Limbs intertwined close enough to support motivation

—

*I wrote this on November 9th, after I saw the news that Donald Trump won the election. I thought it was appropriate for the events of the past few days. I encourage you to read this powerful article about the Women’s Marches around the globe: here.

“Attack forces of evil, not persons doing evil. — Martin Luther King Jr.

Empty as the Namib desert in southern Africa

Like the fairy circles that speckle its sand

Termites have feasted

And there is a hole where my heart lies

Approximately 25 meters wide

Which I forgot about

Because it had been there for the longest time

I got used to it

Like an ocean dried up

Emptiness surrounded by grass

Once lush

Then nothing at all

For years

I hadn’t even noticed

Until you touched the skin that covers it

And for a moment

The briefest moment it filled up

And then the screen lit up

Time’s up

Desert and ocean clashing

The saddest thing

I didn’t realize

How long it’d been empty

43 million years like the desert herself

Until my friend told me that you didn’t create that hole

I thought you’d caused this drought

But no

You simply reminded me it was there

Setting fires in patterns

Resembling chickenpox

Or footprints of the gods

And without you it’s like I’ve travelled back

And now it aches again

I must relearn how to live with it

But all I want is to go back to your bed

And live the rest of my time

With an ocean beneath my ribs

—

*Inspired by the oldest desert in the world, the Namib desert on the coast of southern Africa! Enjoy some cool photos of the landscape.