I usually am not all for social media rants, or letting the impact of others affect me but I had to write this short essay describing my emotions. I usually don’t let others see this, but given that I am starting my life fresh, and my learning portfolio is a place for self expression I found this little moment in my life most suitable for this site. Recently a lot of instances have been happening that are unexplainably predictable or inspired by what I have been doing and learning at parsons. And it just so happens that an event that made me consider a lot of who I am, during the time of a project I am doing for my Studio/Seminar Shift Class. I believe the piece I am doing definitely depicts, the situation I am, and I am so sincerely glad I am given the opportunity to express myself through this assignment as well as through my Time, and Space and Materiality class. Following this paragraph I am writing the descriptions of my assignments, and following that is the short essay I wrote involving the situation going on in my life.

      1. Studio/ Seminar Shift: We were given the assignment which we will explore the meaning of self and the image that we put out into the world using photographic portraiture, the selfie, some yet un-named technique. In one image we will show the viewer who we are, and the other can be an exploration

      2. Time Metropolis: I had to choose a topic of time theory, and relate it to something we have learned in this class during the semester. I chose to relate my topic to the theory of time management, and how it is a personal matter to me, and relate it to my struggles, and how we can improve.

      3. Space and Materiality- Community: We will be mapping a personal experience that takes place over time and space.  Than choose an event, situation or timeframe to base your work upon.  This could be a specific hour, or day, a walk from one place to another, a rock concert, attending a cross-fit class, making a meal, a dance party, a nap, etc. but it should be an experience that takes place in a finite amount of time.  After completing a variety of mapping and collection exercises, we will create a multisensory art installation that represents our chosen experience.  Our final artwork must engage two or more of the 5 senses.  Choose materials for your installation that will help shape the meaning of your finished artwork.

      *To see what I will be doing for these projects you must keep up to date on my portfolio 🙂

    For those of you who know me, know that i usually say “i do not care what others think of me” or “that i am who i am, and i am not going to allow the opinion of others change me”. Well for once in my life I let the opinion of others impact me. Just the other day I heard from a few people that people who i considered to be my friends, confront mother close friends and ask them if i was “ok”. If “ok”, means accommodating to societies approval. Than no, i guess I’m not okay. I believe it’s sad to see how unaccepting people are in this day in age, and i know that being open minded person means that you have to be understanding of those who are close minded as well, but how can i be accepting of those who do not accept me. Looking back on the photos I’ve posted, and the things I’ve said I don’t think i could be any happier than I am today. My friend taylor said to me the other day, with her best interest of me in mind, “well if you don’t feel right about what others are saying maybe tone down the drag pictures and postings.” Another friend said to me, “well people have been saying how you flaunt that you are with gay people, and are really out there, although I have no problem with it maybe you can tone it down a bit.” I appreciate those of you who have told me what others have been saying about me behind my back, although it does not really mean much, but it just sickens me to hear that i have to alter who I am, and what i do, and who i hang out with in order to receive societies “approval”. Even though I do not need to justify my case any more than I have, I go to a school where majority of the students like I enjoy being artistic, and there are like many schools homosexual students, and do not attend tailgates, or drink out of kegs on the regular, or post ‘basic’ photographs with the common Rebecca Minkoff bag. There is nothing wrong with any of those things, just as there is nothing wrong with what I do.

   I understand that I have died my hair white ish/blonde, and just have gained a bit of weight (like many of you have as well), and I have changed my crowd of people… but I think that I am finally beginning to embrace who I truly am. My brother said to me yesterday, “You’re becoming who you are going to be, you were a shadow of yourself and so was I.” That one sentence, made me realize I was never myself, I was a shadow. Last month I watched the play Searching For Neverland, and just as peter pan was searching for his shadow because with out it he was not himself, I am finally searching properly and developing into who I am meant to be. My shadow was just a part of who I was, and now just as shadows are meant to be… behind me.

I know that I am going through the cliche faze that everyone goes through in accepting who they are when they go through what they believe extreme life changes. But If being who I am means loosing the people who are unaccepting of who I am, than it is their loss. I am who I am. I am going to screw up, flunk an exam, trip on a rock, dye my hair, go through weight fluctuations, do my hardest to succeed and try and make my family proud but I will not change for a second my path way because I have a goal, and in order to reach my goal I know I have fuck up… a lot. So i am not going to let any of you out their who have negative comments to throw at me, set me off my track.. so back the fuck off.

-I chose to upload a photo of my brother and I, because we recently became extremely close and I learned how similar we are externally and internally. For the record, I used to believe he was adopted till 4 years ago (but thats another story), and until this picture I thought we had different fathers. Also it was his birthday on december 6th, and I thought I should bring him into my personal portfolio a bit.