“You’re becoming who you are meant to be, you were once a shadow of yourself, and now you are stepping out of that shade and into the light.”, Blake Groll.
Self expression is something that comes naturally to most artists, although it becomes a touchy subject, and is a question whether we have seen it before or not. The truth is, it doesn’t matter how others view yourself expression,whether they have seen it before, or it has even offended them. What matters is how you feel, and how you desire for the viewer to see the piece, and if they interpreted the concept in a way that made them feel any particular emotion, but mainly the one you were intending.
In my series of self expression through “selfies”, I created 3 images representing me. For my presentation,symbolism is a key factor which is why I chose for the 3 images to have a man done up almost as if he were me or in other words “in my shoes.” The reasoning behind why I chose a man as a portrayal of myself, is due to society’s perception that I carry more masculine traits rather than the cliche feminine. I am more dominant, and direct, which is what society classifies as a more masculine trait. It is also a view of my opinion towards how we are so caught up on what is feminine and what is masculine, and not enough of what we are actually doing. We are more interested in what gender or sexual orientation or race or religion is doing something. Which is why I designed the 3 images to have a man representing me, a female.
The first image is a representation of how society saw me in my hometown of Miami, Florida. It was clear that I had no desire to be there any longer. As it reached a point where I would show up to school with my hair not brushed with no makeup on, dressed in an over sized sweater accompanied by a blanket, which I would dally around with me the entire campus. A teacher once asked me “how do you think the administration sees and feels about you wearing this blanket all around school? You are the student who is entitled to speak for the fine arts department at Miami Country Day School, and you walk around as if you do not care.” I responded saying, “oh but I do care, although not in the order of how you intend on me to care. I care so much, that I don’t care, and am determined to do my best at Parsons the New School of Design, and put all my efforts into my future come back and success at that University.”, even though I had yet to receive my acceptance to the school.
For the second image, I chose to portray my life as seen by others in Parsons and all around NYC. I have a young man dressed in my newly off shade of white and blonde, which I had done in the city, and in my everyday jewelry, makeup and usual attire. A close friend messaged me the day before I created this image saying, “Hey i just wanted to let you know that a lot of people have been asking me if you are ok.” I of course then asked her why they would ask if I was ok, is there something I don’t know about my health? She responded saying, “no yeah, of course you’re physically okay thank god, but you have been posting a lot of pictures with gay guys and drag queens and weird dark and unusual things.” I was completely offended, and in that moment I realized for the first time in my life I cared. I let the opinion of others offend me, and why.. because I was for once in my life embracing who I was. I wrote in a journal post after receiving that message saying, “I know that I am going through the cliche faze that everyone goes through in accepting who they are when they go through what they believe to be an ‘extreme life change’. But If being who I am means losing the people who are unaccepting of who I am, than it is their loss. I am who I am. I am going to screw up, flunk an exam, trip on a rock, dye my hair, go through weight fluctuations, hang out with people who care about me (which will include people with multiple sexual orientations, and dressing habits), and I will do my hardest to succeed and try and make my family proud but I will not change for a second my path way because I have a goal, and in order to that goal I know I have to fuck up… a lot. So i am not going to let any of you out there who have negative comments to throw at me, set me off track.. so back the fuck off.”
Image three is once again a representation of my masculinity through a male figure dressed in a wig with my shade of hair and jewelry, although this time there is an iconic symbol representing the theme of this image imprinted all along his body. This ‘icon’ is a tattoo. According to my family and many others religious beliefs, it is against the jewish law to get any permanent alterations put upon your body. Especially a tattoo, although this law have changed according to some rabbi’s teachings, but most people remain to follow this old tradition, including my family. Well the evening before I left for university I went my behind my parents back and against their wishes and had a tattoo drawn upon my skin. It is of a butterfly charm bracelet that my parents gave to me on my 17th birthday. The butterfly symbol means more than just your average butterfly to me and my family. It representation of my family, and aunt danielle. Who entered my life not to long ago, and has not spent a day absent from it ever since. I had that tattoo done as a representation of my family and my life as a whole. I had it drawn on the pulse of my right foot, to represent as long as my heart is beating i will take another step towards achieving my goal, with my loved ones always by my side. “Butterflies are the fluttering souls of those who remind us to never give up and that you are never alone as long as there is a butterfly in sight or thought.”
Presentation:
Final Images:
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*I originally had another image following the three which actually was a photograph of me. Although sadly, there were a few complication along the way. But i believe by having just these three images, portrays my idea of not identifying one specific sex perfectly. The original image, was the most difficult for me to create, so i made a mock up of it. It would have follow along the following short summary and image.:
The last image, is a photograph of me modeled through words. The words painted upon my body are inscribed in all different directions as a symbol to represent my struggles with reading and writing. As for the words, they are the positive and negative thoughts that people have sent to me anonymously, when I asked for their opinions of me while creating this piece. “You are not the words other say you are, but the words you believe you are. You can always change yourself, but it better be for yourself and not someone else. Or else you will on change for the worse.”
