December 14, 2017
Being able to study Art has been the incredible, for me, the ability to create means everything. It may sounds arrogant but I don’t see art as art itself but something simply to satisfy me, in harsh diction, extremely selfish when it comes to art, it always makes me depressed when I’m forced to create or given a task, so to speak I also found the term ‘kill your darling’ not challenging at all, for the reason that lots of my works are not, or even close to, my ‘darling’.
But I actually made something that I’m proud of and willing to leave a space in my room for it, even though it is not made for me. It’s a mask I made In Bridge Project 2, it supposed to be a wearable garment to protect my partner from his fear, which was the fear of shark. My partner was from Deli, in India, he is obsessed with architectures in India, lines and not a fan of color at all. So I’m not going to make something he like, that’s what I thought, because me and my partner are so different, I never found buildings to be interesting, I hate organized things and I don’t do black and white. I’m not going to talk about the planning and research, they are very much the same with every other projects, I want to talk about something different, that I never experienced. I felt quite, when I was twisting wires, making knots with thread, I felt calm and I didn’t realize I spent the whole night doing it, and that’s how it was made, peacefully and once, and there it is, my darling.
About the fiction, it was forced to written as well. I remember hating it, but feeling the obligation to wrote because it was the second project and it became my second ‘darling’. There were some adjectives, nouns that my partner gave me and I had to included them in my fiction, that’s the rule, if weren’t for those words that my partner gave me, I wouldn’t had finished my fiction, reminds me of sometimes people drive to much and do not know riding a bike seem hard but could actually be faster, that’s me, who drove too much. When I was given this words, I tried so hard to make connections between them and the process was torturing, but that’s when I found out writing can also becomes to design, the storyline, the ending, and again I just kept typing until I finished, that’s when I realized I can be bad at something but still enjoy doing it.
I feel like this is more of an appreciation rather than reflection, but I did learn about myself during this project, and my ‘darlings’ deserve an article. Now since I’m on my laptop and this essay is finished, I’m going to read my fiction again.