It seems as though the simple cure-all solution to having a bad date is to “date other people”, as it had been suggested to me many times by people of an older generation. However, what they fail to see is that their simple solution, no longer exists with the millennials. The dating scene is an awkward dance of wanting something meaningful and low-labor followed by  a ton of  disappointment when the relationship falls short of the expected Instagram likes and ‘#couple goals’.

Of course, over time there will be multiple dates and exploration, but few people seem to share my desire for a casual date — a night out with someone new, to see what’s out there.The old fashioned wing woman has been replaced with superficial swiping on Tinder, where the only thing you have in common with someone is physical attraction. This immediate match precedes a night with strings attached, and confusion of “So..what are we?”

If you do land yourself a date that lives up to your expectations, then kudos to you, however there should be a big warning sign saying: “Slow! Millennials at Play.” We are dangerous! Millennials don’t know what they want, and how can they when technology has opened up doors of possibilities? Anyone can be replaced within a simple right swipe. This easy replaceability plagues many of us with fear because we know that as fast as we can do it ourselves, the same can be done to us. What’s worse is my generation’s fear of rejection. We have grown so accustomed to talking with one another behind a glaring light, disassociating intimacy with a human being, that it makes it impossible to walk up to someone, flesh and all, and ask them out on a date.

To be frank: my generation is full of bad daters. We have been been influenced by technology’s fast-paced nature that has stripped us of what it means to “go slow” with someone. We want our texts replied within a respectable time-frame, we want the recipient to be as well versed of a thinker and writer as we are, and we want relationships that are “Instagram-worthy”. Nothing more, nothing less. Texting has redesigned communication to make it the acceptable forum for intimate conversations and for discussing the relationship in its entirety. However, this could not be further from the truth. Texting has depersonalized the content that is shared and thus furthering the millennials from knowing true intimacy. When these near and dear texts get sent, the wait can be an eternity and often replies fall short of our expectations. Clarity is simply lost over a text message whereas in-person an instant question could have saved forty-five minutes of dizzying circles.

What’s most upsetting is the seemingly complete loss of respect for ourselves and for others. Recently, a classmate had voiced that he believed bringing your best friend to the first date was the up and coming way to date. The old-fashioned self that I am, I begged to differ. After some exploration into his reasoning, he voiced “just in case you’re not really into that person, you have an excuse not to sleep with them”. He stated this as if there were no alternative. I pressed, “Wouldn’t it be easier just to say you don’t want to sleep with them?” He recounted a story about a time he slept with an “ugly person” and regretted it. What he seemed to be telling me was that he simply didn’t know how to say no; as if no was not an option. I can only conclude that millennials have lost their voice to a 5X2 screen.

Technology has made dating so uncomfortable and impersonal that it’s necessary to be accompanied by someone to protect us. He went on to tell me that “if it goes badly,at least you and your friend can go out and share a laugh afterwards.” This statement reeks of fear. His logic shows that millennials want their pleasure and if it is not fulfilled, they will seek it in some other way. Nothing will jeopardize our ego;anything that suggests we are bad at dating, or undateable, will surely be ablated.

To my fellow millennials, I can’t stress how worried I am about you and our relations with one another. I believe you’ve strayed far from old traditions of dating and you have found yourselves in turmoil. Things aren’t working out for a reason, and bringing your best friend to save the day is not the solution.You must learn to be okay with rejection and find a global respect for each individual. You must be willing to say “no” and check with one another on the moves you are making along the way. Be present with each other and open to new people and experiences. Although you’ve hidden behind screens for almost a quarter of your lives, trust me, there is light in powering down.