I think the most helpful feedback I got is to not be repetitive throughout the essay and that I mentioned “modern culture” in my thesis but I did not talk about that in later paragraphs. I didn’t notice that I’m being very repetitive with words like “character” and “design” before receiving the feedback. Also, I think I would change “modern culture” into “video game culture” in the first paragraph because when I was writing it I didn’t even pay attention to that phrase.
I think all of my groupmates are doing great jobs in their essay and I can understand the points in their essays. Alan’s essay is very clear in its logic flow and that’s also something that I would work on with my own paper. Senina has a really hard topic to write about but I think she is explaining it pretty well. The only problem with her paper is probably the length of her essay and the number of details in each of her paragraph. I suggested that maybe she should focus on certain paragraphs and have briefer explanations in others. Sierra’s essay is very easy to understand, but she didn’t have the correct formatting. All in all, everyone is really working on this assignment.
