curiosity journal entries

Day 1: “My self shame becomes deprecation.

In overcoming this shame, my mind always circles back to the sentiment that “we’re all human.” I repeat it again and again, until it rings dumb in my head. But it doesn’t stop me from comparing myself to others, or from fearing them.” This is a quote from one of my favorite websites/ blogs called killer and a sweet thang. This is something I, like many others have struggled with. When I read this though I read it at a time where I find myself comparing myself to others a lot. I guess it’s nice to hear people talk about feeling the same.


Day 2: “I was very careful of the language I would use, as a way to screen people, because there’s always the risk that you are dealing with law enforcement or dealing with someone that is potentially dangerous. I would use elusive language, pose it as though it were a date.”


“I turned 21, one of my clients had gotten me a bottle of expensive whisky and I was sitting in my closet-of-a-room in [location omitted for privacy]. I was online on Google Chat, talking to my ex and I was drunk and sad. I said to him, “I’ve been selling myself for money.” Which is an inherently flawed statement, because you’re not selling your body by selling sex, you’re selling sex. You’re selling a service, you’re selling an action, you’re not giving away any part of yourself by doing that.”


These are just two quotes I read from an article called “interview with a millennial sex worker” I find the whole business extremely fascinating, even though I couldn’t see myself doing it. I 100% support people who choose the life of sex work and am interested in studying it among other sex related thing to create less of a stigma about it. The second quote about how she’s not giving away a part of herself but only providing a service is a really nice sentiment.


Day 3: I’ve been really interested in super gory murder mysteries lately. Not just missing people but really terrible stuff. My mom thinks I’m going crazy but I thought my whole life I would end up studying forensics until I decided to study at Parsons instead so I guess it makes sense.


Day 4:  Blue hydrangea, cold cash divine

Cashmere, cologne, and white sunshine

Red racing cars, Sunset and Vine

The kids were young and pretty

Where have you been? Where did you go?

Those summer nights seem long ago

And so is the girl you used to call

The Queen of New York City – Lana Del Rey (old money)


Day 5: “The Very first moment I beheld him, my heart was irrevocably gone.” Jane Austen.


This is one of my favorite literary quotes ever. It never fails to almost make me tear up. I have never felt this way about anyone and I definitely don’t believe in love at first sight but I love more than anything to read about it and pretend I do.


Day 6: I’m listening to my favorite song in the world right now. It’s dazed and confused by Led Zeppelin. The song reminds me of my best memories with my friends back home all piled in my car, pretending the dashboard is a drum set and that we sound anything like Robert Plant. Now the song brings a little bit of sadness as I miss those moments more than anything in the world right now.


Day 7: Every night fucks every day up

      Every day patches the night up- Frank Ocean (nights)


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