Clown Series

For Integrated Studio’s Bridge 2, we were asked to create 30 pieces in two weeks inspired by or in response to a work from a New York City museum or gallery exhibition. Following our reading of Berger’s Ways of Seeing, we were asked to really study the work and look into its meaning via research: what it means, what it’s saying- how and why.

For this Bridge, I wanted to choose something I could truly delve into- something I found a fascination in but something I was not so familiar with as to challenge my process and my work. Therefore, I went to the MoMa Ps1 and stumbled upon an exhibition that had me in a trance for about 30 minutes. I walked into a small room with one large screen and two smaller TV screens on podiums. On the screens were repetitive short videos of clowns called “Clown Torture” by Bruce Nauman; one was screaming on the ground and one was laying in a bathroom stall. The videos consisted of only these clowns and their screams, and it was entirely engrossing. The clowns and the screams demanded my attention, demanded my time; the environment this little room created was astounding as I felt captivated but unsettled.

I began my work by first doing none at all but researching. I dove head first into the history of clowns; I wanted to know who the very first clown was and why. Upon searching for answers, I found that the first clown was an alcoholic, his wife left him, and two of his children died at young ages. The man dressed up in makeup and a costume to run around his small town to entertain the townspeople and make them laugh; a sad story, but a seemingly kind intention stemming from such. I was fascinated with the history being such an unfortunate one, and coming from a place so dark. The idea of literally masking your reality was intriguing; once you put on the disguise, you become a separate entity from yourself, you become the clown.

With this in mind, I began my exploration of clowns. I wanted to just allow myself time with the symbol itself, so I began painting and drawing clowns- any construct my mind built in my head, I tried to translate in paint and on paper. From there, I realized that if I were studying clowns and their state of mind, I could not rightly depict it without becoming the clown myself- so, that’s what I did. I bought clown materials (wig, nose, streamers, balloons, and more) so I could become. Following my purchase, I went to an empty classroom and set up a scene appearing similar to a birthday party; there were streamers hanging from the ceiling, balloons everywhere and even a happy birthday message on the wall. The idea was to become the clown and set up my own party in which I would film myself celebrating alone. This process was not easy as my camera died 5 times, forcing me to be filming for 5 continuous hours but either way, I got the footage I wanted and the photos I imagined.

Following this exploration, I wanted to do my next 15 pieces on embodying the clown, and finding my way into its state of mind through creating work that the clown would. I began with masks; to become a clown, you have to become the separate entity so it made sense to create masks that would facilitate this. After the five masks were made, I wanted to photograph them using an old polaroid camera in black and white film to truly encapsulate the eerie feeling clowns induce. I finished my clown series with five pieces of art made by the clown; I sewed balloons and streamers to painted canvas with colorful string and neat stitching. For two out of the five pieces, I drew cartoon coloring pages of clowns and colored them in with crayons. With these last five, I wanted the work to reflect the clowns insanity and unsettling emotional nature. It was definitely the most explorative pieces I made of the bunch.

This series work was my most challenging yet thrilling work I have done all semester. I pushed myself to explore and make things I never had in the past. I am so thankful to have been given the freedom to allow my creative mind to wander with such liberty; I am immensely proud of the work I created as I feel I genuinely put myself into each and every piece. I learned so much about exploration and about new materials; I never thought to ever sew popped balloons on canvas, but it turned out so nice that I may just do it again in the future. This taught me that in reaching past my comfort zone, I could make my best most interesting work.

 

 

 

(two of my videos are too large for this format)

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