Commentary on “The Year I Grew Wildly, While Men Looked On”

In her essay, Ashley C. Ford explores the effect men have had on her journey with her body growth. Through her excessive use of quotations and the personal pronoun “I,” Ford makes her essay inviting and shows that the experiences she has dealt with are intimate, which she is willing to share. As the essay continued, I was surprised to learn about the different scenarios that Ford had gone through. Especially as a guy, witnessing these events that a girl goes through from their perspective is eye-opening. It was shocking to see how people who should have no say in how Ford should feel in her skin have instilled a sense of guilt that still affects her, “Ashley, do you think your behavior toward me has been at all inappropriate?” The hints of confusion and innocence shown through her internal monologues made the experience feel much more raw. Nevertheless, throughout the text, I still felt uncomfortable. The details in her descriptions and the level of intimacy that was being shared made it vulnerable and intrusive. One section that stood out to me the most is “We were all changing. I enjoyed watching the other girls in the locker room undress, and I kept track of their growth. But I did not want to make them feel like I felt. I did not want to make them feel ogled. Did they hate this too?” It made me see that even though Ford herself was going through a difficult and traumatizing experience where she would feel the need to compare herself to others around her, she still empathized with them not to feel the way she did. Through her lack of physical fatherhood and the constant worry that her family was demonstrating, Ford shows how an attachment to a particular memory can help someone go through the most challenging times. Ford’s essay was written to illustrate the feelings of discomfort that do not always stem from ourselves. Many outside factors and societal expectations shape how we grow up and accept ourselves, and it made me reflect on that.

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