Relating to my Intro Studio Personal Flag project, here is my revised draft of my self-portrait assignment, in which I had to describe myself as I am now based on my experiences, my history, and what animals I identify with metaphorically. I was allowed to use my Experience+Meaning packet responses in order to formulate a better picture of how I see the world and perceive. I reviewed my initial draft with a friend in class, as did all the other students in the Intro Seminar class. I also reviewed my draft with the professor herself for potential feedback. In the end, while my use of language and command of words in writing was “very strong”, “fluid”, and “beautiful”, and the content at the first half of my draft was highly abstract (which isn’t always a bad thing), foreshadowing and reflecting the relative metaphorical and allegorical nature of my paper, it also had its drawbacks in the form of a lack of clear focus until the very end, when I actually started getting a little bit more personal rather than worldly. Basically, I should have focused more on myself and how others see me as opposed to making broad statements about humanity as a whole. In the draft, I scribbled down some comments and guidelines to ensure the improvement of my paper.
Here’s the draft:
My professor suggested to me the following changes I could make to my paper so it could stand out, feel stronger, and emanate a more poetic, beautiful essence, though it was otherwise very well written:
- Since I am going to be creating a cube with multiple drawings and works on all sides and faces, or pasting aspects of my project around a box of some sort to demonstrate my “multifaceted nature” anyways for my Studio 1 Personal Flag Project, the beginning of the paper should be deleted, and I should let my Personal Flag speak for itself as a visual representation of myself in conjunction with my written representation of myself in the Self-Portrait, which could or could not have similarities and differences to its counterpart.
- Shift the last section of the paper– the one in which I talk about my relation to the Three Animals I chose that represented how I thought myself to be, how I thought others have seen me, and how I saw my actions or judged them otherwise to the very beginning so that the reader is drawn in immediately to the metaphorical representation of me. (Basically, the beginning regarding the cube should be replaced by the animalistic passage).
My professor also said that I could demonstrate my self-portrait in other formats such as in the form of a poem, or a short story, but that it had to be still a page long and nothing more. This can provide me with additional ideas about how to best express myself.
The final draft should be here on the portfolio website in a few days. Also, I forgot to mention– regarding my Three Animals and my newer personal sketchbook/journal entries that revolve around this project, they will be here soon, assuming I get all my other assignments done and in working order. 🙂