P r o s · t h e · s i s

an artificial device to replace or augment a missing or impaired part of the body.

From a young age I have had to be quite mature, I spent a lot of my childhood surrounded by adults and grew up with a rather broad understanding of mature concepts like death, mortality and sickness. So when I first approached this, thinking about ‘an event in my childhood which forced me to grow up’, I was a bit perplexed since, in a way, i have had to exist with an adult attitude for a large part of my life. Instead, I thought about the times in my life where events and changes in my environment have affected me and ultimately shaped my personality and approach to life.  Recent events have made me ‘recall’ this particular time.

When I was 11, I won a scholarship to a prestigious private school in my local city. What should have been an exciting new chapter ended up being a horrible few months where I faced bullying, lunchtimes alone, anxiety attacks to name a few..  I struggled immensely with the changes occuring in my life: my new routine, my grandma’s health declining, mental struggles and the pressure of being a pre-teen girl.

It overwhelmed me.

Recently, as I have moved here to New York and to Parsons, I have become increasingly aware that these feelings are resurfacing in a similar way. Maybe it’s the change, maybe it’s the loss of routine and familiar surroundings but the same sort of emotional weight and anxiety is starting to creep up and drag me down. When I was in year 7, it didn’t turn out great. I went to 4 schools in a matter of months and my increasing emotional vulnerability I felt meant i was easy prey and was targeted by bullies at all 4. I was depressed, constantly anxious, and being 11 didn’t know what these feelings were or why I was feeling them. All together it was a time in my life which I have tried to move past and look at as something to learn from.

I now, at 18, recognise my panic attacks and am aware of my anxiety.I have coping methods, one of which includes isolating and removing myself from the situation which in theory is a good idea but, if i apply it to every situation i would end up never leaving the house. I have come to learn that it’s all about pushing my boundaries in a manageable way that helps me to move forward.

Everyone feels anxiety differently and in different places,. For me, it’s my chest, shoulders and stomach where i feel it the worst. I get tight, cramping feelings, my chest and shoulders feel physically heavy and almost painful, it gets hard to breathe and think. I have focused on designing as ‘prosthesis’ which is a physical representation of how i internally process my anxiety. The invisible nature of anxiety means people often don’t take it seriously or respect how much the person is suffering.

In an attempt to help me process my current anxiety and ‘recall’ how I felt in year 7, this acts as my emotional armour. Its abstract. Like me, and complex, also like me. Its build up of dimensions and layers, representing the different layers and depths to  my personality. This event occurred when I was in year 7 (age 11), moving into my first year of senior school. This stage in my life forced me to be mature and rely on my resilience. It showed me that even in the darkest of times and the lowest of moods, there is a chance yo get better and for your circumstances to improve. This is something which has been on my mind a lot recently. I am reconnecting with this time due to the similar circumstances and situations and physically doing this by creating a tangible representation of my anxious feelings.

 

Sketches

Where does it interact with/represent my body?

• Shoulder blades
• Distorted sharp chest
• Tight ribs
• Bony and jarring spine

Why?

I have done it like this to represent and visualise my experience with anxiety, where i feel it the most, and how an invisible illness, like mental illness, is often much more serious than it appears on the surface. I have also handwritten words which I associate with anxiety, across certain areas of the piece to add clarity and more depth of emotion.

Process

 

I worked exclusively with paper and glue sticks, using techniques of folding, knotting and paper cutting to  build and layer my piece. 

The piece is abstract and open to interpretation, it is meant to be my personal visualization of the weight of my anxiety. I found the process to be very engaging and intriguing as I have not had much experience with paper sculpture so it was interesting to play with the paper and experiment with how I could ,manipulate it to do what I wanted.