Research
I wanted my puppet to be a continuation of the ideas researched and explored in the last project. I really enjoyed creating an uncanny character, and wanted to see how I could use a similar character in puppetry. I wanted this puppet, however, to be a little more gothic looking. I am already pretty familiar with the gothic aesthetic but I also did some additional research. As a non-binary person, I always try to look for ways in art-making that helps me express a pretty complicated gender identity. Mostly when we think of the trans community, most people think of the gender binary. However, non-binary dysphoria also exists, even though it is harder to explain and describe. For this doll, I wanted to make a figure that represented some frustrations I had with the mechanics of living within a female body, and being forced to express femininity. With goth subcultures, gender and sexual fluidity is pretty much the norm, and I wanted to do some research about how goth aesthetics and gender non-conforming aesthetics could somehow meet. I also wanted to explore a new age of the “feminine ideal.” On Instagram, there is a widely popular gothic e-girl aesthetic that has been taking over more traditional ideals of femininity online. I wanted to explore the collision of modern feminine ideals and gender associations.
Development
Unfortunately, I lost all of my documentation photos when my phone decided to shut down forever, but I do have some sketches and thoughts previous to the making of my puppet. I decided I wanted to use a silk fabric for the dress with a lace trim. I also tried using multiple celluclay versions for the head, but none of them turned out as clean and precise as my original version in air-dry clay. I even tried casting the air-dry clay version and then molding celluclay to get my desired result, but it ended up pretty far from what I imagined. Underneath the silk, I used a simple felt fabric so my hand wouldn’t show through. On top of the silk, I glued on some cut chains, rhinestones, and plastic mini babies for the gothic effect. Everything was hand-sewn besides the main silk part where I used my mom’s sewing machine for accuracy and to get clean lines.
Writing
Inspired by the readings a few weeks ago, I wanted this puppet to embody a life outside my own but still represent the struggles I have with my gender identity. I have learned that non-binary coding is really tricky to master, and the signifiers for a non-binary person are rarely ever signified without overt labeling. For my puppet, I wanted to make an extremely femme-looking figure with an oversized body and a chest that is labelled “boy, boy.” For a while I’ve wanted a tattoo saying “boy, boy” over my own chest as a way to cope with my dysphoria while I wait for enough funds for top surgery. I realize that being non-binary is largely an invisible and often painfully individual identity that is rarely reinforced by outsiders. Interpolation of a non-binary identity is rarely reinforced on its own, and must be called into action via its carrier (me), which in turn reinforces the dysphoria of being unseen, and therefore un-interpolated. I think this puppet was largely a piece of searching for some sort of self-acceptance while also playing with the gothic aesthetic. Gothic aesthetics do a great job of reminding viewers of the past, something that once was via a deteriorated facade or the uncanny. This gothic aesthetic helps illustrate a dormant identity within me as well as the one I choose to present, and I must live with both. As for the plastic babies, they also reinforce the gothic aesthetic while also reinforcing the dormant nature of my feminine body. I will not be having babies, using my uterus, etc, and I even actively try to erase those parts of myself even though they are incredibly evident to others. This puppet gives the idea that it is possible to live with both a feminine body and the rejection of that femininity.
Documentation
