TITLE: “The people they knew”
NAME: Hitomi Kelsey Ko
WORDCOUNT: 538
“G̴̯̦͙̦̱͕̦̔͐͐̋ͅö̷̮͚́̈̅o̵̢̲͙̦͉̫͕̍͆d̷͍͝ ̴̥͔̰̖̣̏̎́̕̚m̸̧̑̅͋́̃̈́̕ò̴̼͈̟̃͗̚ŗ̸̦̪̌͗̏́̔n̶̖͙̩͎̭͆̃̅̅ì̴̲͔͕̗̠͈͇̫̽̏̔̽̃͠͝n̸̢̳̰͉̻̳̻͒̾̅̓g̴̨̡̻̗͔̫͋̍͗.̵̻̖̤̫͇̬͇̳̎͋͛͝͝”
The monster said. Its thousand eyes bulged like giant goosebumps on red meat; glazed, pus oozing out at the seams, bloodshot. The eyes littered a mass of meat that burst out where the left eye would’ve been on her head – her blonde blue eyed head sat atop a pretty pink sweater and denim legs. No matter how you looked at it, this was a demon, disguised as a human. Patricia Sawyer. It was a target G was well acquainted with – the resistance knew the school was heavily contaminated, and prepared for weeks.
“G’morning,” G sang, hugging the eye-cactus. She smiled, hugging them back. Her fair skin was smattered in freckles and she smelled like expensive flowers. Prettiest girl in the academy. Perfect grades, boys ogled, people huddled around her in classrooms, other girls befriended her hoping to get just an ounce of her power. “You got my homework?”
“Not yet but I’ll let you copy mine later if you swing by my dorm.” G winked, clicking their tongue. She smiled, crinkling her nose – as she did so, the mesh of eyeballs twitched and bulged in waves. Thousands of eyes to spy on her friends, keep them where they were so she could use them against each other eventually. G knew about this. She told them herself.
G walked out the classroom with Sarina: black bob, round glasses, black clothes. Cute but nerdy. An introvert. No demons – everybody is cleansed when they enter the resistance.
“She likes you huh.”
“Oh they all do. And then I bring what’s coming for them.”
“I wonder what you see that the rest of us can’t. She must be hideous.” G left their notes with Sarina and walked off. She could deliver them to Zed herself.
School was over. Time to meet the most beautiful person in existence – the only person G didn’t feel suffocated around. Air felt clean, refreshing around them. They didn’t share any classes, meaning G had to plan ahead if they wanted to see his face. Bump. G’s face thumped flat into a broad chest, green cotton shirt. Smelled of pine. No mistaking it. Julian.
“Ay kiddo.” G smirked.
“Alright shortie.” Julian rolls his eyes.
“We still on to meet by the green later?”
“Green’s too crowded. We wanna play music. We gotta find some place quiet.” G’s eyes widened – their time to shine.
“Ninth floor rooftop’s great – lotta plumbing but extra privacy and sickass views.”
“Awesome – wait, isn’t it locked?” Julian tilted his head, squinting, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. G loves when they do that, or anything for the matter.
“A shortie can climb.”
“Well damn.” a pause. “How we gonna get the rest of them–”
G pulls up a jangle of keys on a chain. Security badge hanging.
“I’m friends with everybody, ‘member?” Julian grinned, impressed.
“You’re sick, kid.” They noogied G over their brick red beanie. Hair was messy now, they didn’t mind though. “Catch ya later there. Gonna need your help.” Julian smirks over their shoulder and walks off.
G’s heart melts, but so does their smile. They try not to show it until Julian’s completely out of sight. They know they’ll eventually have to kill him too, or Zed will.
process log
- Good job, Kelsey
- Writing this felt confusing – the readings offered this week were strange and i wasn’t quite able to make connections – in addition the crit workshops this lesson showed that everybody was personifying non-human characters and thus the only ‘weird’ element that stood out about my own piece was the plot itself. I was trying to get a grasp over balancing character development, as well as technique, to upset expectations and keep the reader on their toes.
- Writing about Patricia Sawyer and Sarina was surprising – i’ve tried working on this plot and character G before, and failed because i just didn’t have enough energy or imagination. So this freewrite technique has been pretty much revolutionary for me. I’d never just manifested characters out of thin air like that so quickly and developed them in a snap – i want to do more of this. I think I was able to do it because in that moment instead of planning things thoroughly, I just said ‘ok’ to trust my instincts and splatter their ideas on paper, and therefore gave myself something to develop. It’s therefore occurred to me that it’s ok to beg instinctive, that’s where most imagination comes from. I’d like to do this more. I’d also like to develop Julian’s character as well – Rifts, the story for G, Julian and Zed was previously ‘planned’, and i think because the planning was so meticulous, instead of letting my instincts shape them, i had painstakingly sculpted and broken them down to sculpt them back in over and over, and lost track of who i want them to be when i had the criteria here the whole time, which is pretty much just my own hopes.
- Honestly, the reading for this week was kind of hard, just because all of them seemed to follow very unconventional structures. If my classmates’ workshop material also counts as a reading, i think Kristin pointed out something very interesting when she wrote in the personified voice of alcoholism – she created a trickster type character whose voice didn’t really follow any traditional rules in writing, the way alcoholism ‘breaks rules’. This made a lot of sense to me especially when I took into consideration George Saunders’s writing, Elliot Spencer. Not only is the context unconventional, where the premises of empathy in lobotomised people and functional, corporate workers have been switched around, but the structure was also very anti-rules. I don’t think i got to absorb that all the way though when i wrote this piece – i’d just made simple aims to trick the reader into thinking ‘here’s the context’, and tried to flip that around. I introduced a monster at the start of the piece, only for G to hug it and talk to it like a normal person. I then introduced a love interest at the end with a wholesome interaction, then ended it with the revelation that their relationship wouldn’t last forever.
- So far, i’ve learned that it’s ok to trust your own instincts – it’s scary and embarrassing and it takes a whole mental process to say to yourself ‘ok fine i’ll just put them down for now’ but it’s how things should be. I think the scariness is good though, it shows you are being challenged.
I’ve also learned that good writing means making the reader do as little work as possible – i’ve been trying to keep to that idea, and in this assignment, i grappled a lot with subtlety, versus being clear. When Lisa read my piece back to me for discussion after class she struggled to grasp it in the beginning – as i’d expected. It was a little frustrating because i knew the idea made sense to me, but it wouldn’t be very clear to readers, and i noticed this as i was writing it but just thought ‘screw it, keep going, you have to be subtle or you’ll give away too much’. Now in hindsight i think that was wrong – i think as long as i’m not giving the plot away i can be more direct with the language. Instead of just introducing Patricia Sawyer as this monster and G just being friends with her, i should’ve maybe done more work to guide the reader and hold their hand, and acknowledge ‘yes she’s a monster, she is scary, but i’m also going to hug her right now. Surprising right?’ instead of just describing it like it’s perfectly normal. Upsetting expectations is useful in building suspense but too much can disorient the reader. As Benjamin Percy said, when the reader is looking at your work for the first time, they are like a coma patient fluttering their eyes open for the first time. You have to guide them.
