For my bridge 4 project, I want to visually define Third Culture Grief.
Third culture grief is a blueish feeling which I have personally experienced, it’s also something I didn’t overcome. It is the feeling of being torn between cultures, feeling as if you don’t belong to either of your origins- as if you’re an outcast to both of your homes.
I’ve never thought about presenting this sense of homesickness- which home am I longing for anyway?-and displaying it. Because to be frank, I can barely verbalize the feeling, not to say visualize it.
After watching ‘In The Mood for Love’ by Wong Kar-Wai, something in the movie evoked a strong sense of loss, nostalgia, and the feeling of inevitable pain. Something about its darkness and vibrancy of colors reminds me of the times when I was younger, not knowing who I should associate myself with; not knowing what to reply when family members ask me ‘what language do you think in? Chinese or English?’ or, ‘why do you look so dark, just like one of those Indonesians!’.
It’s funny how someone could slowly become the idea of home. And to me, home has always been Mom.
I think this is why I am very sensitive to the feeling of protection. Say, if someone goes out of their way to help me, I can immediately feel it and trace this love back to them. And I think this is because once someone–anyone–shows a sense of concern to me, I would reciprocate it back to them because, throughout my childhood, there’s been somewhat of inadequacy in the sense of belonging. And even the smallest amount of this kind of… time, it gives me a sense of temporary belonging… I hope this make sense?
here are some inspirations I have drawn from a few of Wong Kar-Wai’s productions:
