Story for Belief Prosthesis
It was Friday. Finally after such a long week I could think about having some fun. I just got out of my last class, Space and Materiality. It was noon, and I was starving. I went to my dorm to drop off my bags and link up with close friend Phoebe. Phoebe and I decided to head to the University Center; we were craving some sushi for lunch. On our walk there, we passed some crazy sights, which are somehow now becoming regular. The staggering number of homeless people, the chess player, Matt Silver yelling and screaming at people performing his acts in Union Square in his signature green underwear, and two people squaring up to fight in front of a hotdog stand. We were also talking about the things we could do that night. I said “Its Friday, lets have some fun and go somewhere later.” Phoebe wasn’t really sure if she wanted to go out with me tonight since it would be so late. She said “Mana, don’t make me feel bad, I just have a lot of work to finish and I want to use tonight to get a good start on it.” I said to her, “C’mon, its Friday! You have all weekend to do your homework, lets just go out and have some fun!” She was still hesitant, but after a while she caved in and said, “oh alright, but nothing too crazy!”
Since it was dark at eight o’clock p.m. we started to pick out outfits and get ready for the night. We both wanted to look our best since there were probably going to be some cute guys where we would end up. We walked along a ton of streets to find somewhere to go but we really just couldn’t find anything worth going into. Ten o’clock rolled around and we were considering just heading back, and then we turned the corner and saw this club, “Marquee” which we had heard about but both never been to. We waited on a line for twenty minutes, and then finally got our wristbands and we were in. The music was crazy, the drinks were coming and going, we were really having some fun. I was really enjoying myself, but I wanted to find a guy to dance with and just have some fun with. I hate how some guys think because you want to dance with them, it means you want to get to know them and “follow up.” Which is nice in some cases, but not for me, and not for tonight. Tonight was all about letting go and having a good time. While we were dancing, I linked eyes with this really hot guy. I casually took my right arm and scanned him from a good distance, without him noticing. I looked down at my left arm and saw him on my control panel. It gave me all of the information on him. He came up as “Louis Midgley, 22, student at NYU. A relationship type” which was not good, because I was just there to have fun and I didn’t want some guy to get the wrong impression that I’m trying to find a boyfriend or something. So he was out of the question for sure. One pretty good looking guy was dancing alongside Phoebe and I. He turned his head and had the most dreamy eyes, I couldn’t help myself. I had to dance with him. When we started dancing, I placed my hand on his and was able to scan him while we were moving about. When I had an opportunity, I looked down at my arm and saw his name, where he’s from, what he does, and that he is NOT a relationship type.” I couldn’t help but saying “YES” aloud. Luckily the music was so loud that no one noticed. The man-scan saved me tonight, as it does many times. Had I not known, that first guy probably would have wanted to just dance and wanted my number and stuff, which I’m not all about. Im here to just have fun, not be held back by anything.
Interview with Mana for Project
Steven: What is something that you would consider to be your biggest feeling you have towards something?
Mana: I am a person who really just doesn’t care. It takes a while for me, I have very big trust issues, from the guys I’ve had. I don’t do relationships, I don’t like the idea of having a boyfriend.
Steven: Is it just because of bad experience from other guys you have been with?
Mana: Yeah, it’s just like this one guy that kind of screwed me over. He didn’t even cheat. It was just the way everything went down between the two of us was the worst thing ever. We had such a long and complicated history together. So I don’t like the whole idea of settling down with one guy anymore, I just like, I just can’t do it. I’m always scared that someone will hurt me. I have a fear of that always.
Steven: Do you think your feelings about relationships would ever change and do you see yourself being married in the future?
Mana: Yeah I mean I want to get married some day. I’m part of an Indian community, and we are only supposed to marry Indians who are within our community but they cant be any other race or you will be looked down on. Getting a divorce also looks really bad.
Steven: Are these specific people you’re limited to in your community only in India?
Mana: No, no some are here, Belgium, India of course, Hong Kong, Singapore, pretty much everywhere. Were all the same exact religion, same exact type of Indian.
Steven: What is your actual religion called?
Mana: It’s Jain.
Steven: Do you think that part of the feelings you have with relationships could be related to a subconscious feeling that you’re in some way “wasting your time” with someone who isn’t a part of your religious group, since you could never marry them?
Mana: Yeah, I mean I’m not wasting my time. I do like guys, I do whatever with them but like I just don’t like the idea of them calling me their girlfriend. Were just “together” nothing more than friends.
Steven: But what happens if a guy you’re talking to hooks up with someone else?
Mana: I… I don’t care. I’m with someone right now and we go out on the weekdays and spend time together but like on the weekends if I hook up with someone else or he hooks up with someone else, I just don’t care. I guess one day if something happens my feelings could just change, maybe I’ll fall for a guys but I don’t get emotionally attached to people. I just don’t care.
Steven: I think you have a good confident grasp on knowing what you want and what you’re comfortable doing with people and feeling with people. It’s not a bad thing to play the field. Sometimes what happens is people just want to be in a relationship so bad, they find one… but it’s a terrible forced relationship. I think the best ones are spontaneous and they sort of just happen.
Mana: Exactly. I guess because I don’t get attached to people I just don’t care enough. You do you, Ill do me.
Steven: What about friends though? How are you with attachment and your friends?
Mana: So okay with friends, I can very annoyed very easily. If I’m around them too much I will literally just leave.
Steven: Everyone just needs their alone time. Have you has this happen to you recently?
Mana: Yes! This past weekend I had a ton of work to do in my dorm, but it was impossible. My roommates, who are my closest friends, were just really pissing me off and I had to get out of there to get any work done.
Steven: Do you have a best friend back at home? A go-to girl or guy?
Mana: Yeah! I have one of both but if I hang out with them too much, I will not talk to them for next couple of days.
Steven: Too much of people is never really good. No matter who they are.
Mana: I definitely am a firm believer in treating others the way you want to be treated.
Steven: So what if you’re with someone, just some guy. You really like this guy and he doesn’t hook up with anyone else. If you go out and hook up with someone and his feelings are hurt. Do you feel guilty?
Mana: I would feel bad but I feel like going into our relationship he should know that I do not give a fuck about that stuff. I’m telling you, I know I’m complicated, I know girls are complicated. Even last year I dated someone, he was the quarterback of the football team or whatever and we were together for a year. On spring break though I was a singly lady, and when I was in India in december same thing.
Steven: I understand you, you don’t want to be held back?
Mana: Yeah! It sounds like a slutty thing to say… but…
Steven: No not at all, I understand where you’re coming from. You’re not in it to lead a guy on and think you’re in it for something serious, you just want to do you, and have fun. I think it’s just part of our societal structure, in that, you’re limited usually to only that one person you’re with. In reality you have the option to live life however you please. You’re not breaking any laws or doing anything wrong.
Mana: Yea life’s too serious sometimes.
Steven: I can relate, we all have those crazy times. Thats what we all need, its what shapes us to be who we are.
Mana: Exactly, being a teenager means finding yourself and experiencing those unforgettable moments. Sometimes bad, sometimes good. I believe in order to find the one that you believe is your fit for marriage, you need to have that experience. You cant be this young and just be tied down to one person for the rest of your life. Because you’ll never actually know what you need in a guy or what you need in a girl, or what things you like about someone or don’t like about someone until you experience them. You have to find what qualities of people best suite you and your lifestyle, because we are all different.
Steven: It’s almost like practice.
Mana: Yea for sure, but for your future.
