“Perfection”
by Susanna Treacy
He’s on his way. Crap.
Is this outfit okay? I definitely look fat, don’t I? Does my makeup look perfect?
Oh god, I also have to act perfect! How do I act around a guy?
My best friend gives me a look.
Susanna, just be yourself. You’re right.
I’m the most confident, secure girl out there. I can give a strong speech as student council treasurer;; I can finish first in a track race as the team’s captain;; I can draw anything I want quite well in art class;; I can sing the soprano part in choir;; I can get an A on my research paper!
I gotta stop stressing out, clearly I can handle anything. This is nothing!
He’s here, but I’m ready.
We drive to the next town. Nothing but small talk, easy stuff.
How’s your day?
Good so far!
So you still want pancakes right?
Yes! Do you?
Yep!
Cool because i’ve been craving chocolate chip. Sounds yummy! Maybe i’ll get the same.
We park, and then we start walking to the restaurant. I make sure i have my stomach sucked in, so i look thin;; I keep my chin up, so I can avoid the horror that is double chin;; I smile and i hold his hand, so i look cute. There’s a line when we get in, so I keep the small talk going. He interrupts me and gives me a small kiss.
Your table is ready! I’M NOT.
He kissed me already? My head isn’t so clear anymore. As i timidly walk towards our table, I tell myself over and over again to collect myself! It’s going to be fine.Just be student council treasurer, be calm, and keep your words clear;; be track captain, be confident, and keep everything positive;; be an artist, be creative in your discussions, and offer interesting points of view;; be a choir member, be energetic, and talk about music, he loves music!;; be an honors student, be insightful, and try not to sound so damn stupid.
So how’s your junior year going?
Oh it’s been great, i’ve been managing all the work very well. Good for you!
Thanks, how’s your senior year going?
It’s been amazing, best year yet.
Nice!
This is going nowhere. Tell him about yourself! Loosen up a bit, you look stiff! I ordered pancakes, at least i’m not the fake kind of girl that orders a salad on the first date! Tell him stories about your friends!
So, it’s cool you jam sometimes with my best friends!
Oh yeah, they’re the best!
I wish I could play an instrument, but I can sing pretty well.
I know, we used to sing that solo together in choir class two years ago. Oh my god, we did! I forgot about that!
Yeah you are really good!
I begin to feel some nerves escape my body. I see the waiter walking towards the table. Try not to hold the knife and fork like a ravenous man from the middle ages. I’m trying my best to eat like a lady, but it just doesn’t come naturally! I fork a giant piece into my mouth. Try to cut smaller pieces! My eyes bug out, there is a piece of pancake dangling from my mouth. I can’t fit anything else in my mouth! You have no choice, use your teeth to cut that part off. I watch it fall to the plate. I can feel my face burning up. I must look so red right now. I look up at him.
He’s smiling.
Don’t worry, i’ll pretend i didn’t see that.
I laugh.
He thinks you’re cute. But i’m acting so silly!
I guess this is how I am with my closest friends. I can be silly;; I can be hyper;; I can be fun;; I can even be kinda gross;; Well, that’s who you are. But I don’t look impressive at all. Well he’s laughing and smiling, and he wasn’t doing that so much before.
I hope you don’t mind, I’m a messy eater. I usually eat with my elbows sticking out. Doesn’t bother me, I like how confident you are!
I can’t stop laughing.