“I just wanted to ask about my graduation trip, I’m 18 now and I really don’t feel like you can keep me in Utah forever,” I snapped as my mom shot down my ideas for what seemed like the thousandth time.
Dad had been gone for 11 years, and mom hadn’t wanted me near the ocean since. I remember how awful it was to have left California mid-school year, and my resentment for my mother slowly grew since the day she received a call that he wouldn’t return home. I felt as though I was living with my boyfriend, Jordan, for the majority of the time, she was never here, always away on business trips. He was always more reassuring about my dreams than she ever had been, as I felt like she wrote it off. I had just been a child right at my dad’s disappearance, and she was never there to reassure me that things were still fine.
The dreams had been happening since dad disappeared, and always consisted of rope-like material dragging me deeper and deeper underwater, binding my ankles, legs, waist, arms, and eventually my neck, and I wouldn’t wake up until I had felt as though I blacked out. I knew that I hadn’t blacked out from lack of air, that just wouldn’t make sense because of how long I had been underwater for. I knew that I always blacked out due to the depth of the water, with no natural light reaching down.
Was that what had happened to dad? Had a marine biologist exploration gone wrong, and he was somehow dragged underwater? Was it an animal, or did his equipment malfunction and became too heavy while he was exploring? Maddie had the same questions as I did, I only knew this because my mother had never achieved at breaking our contact. She tried, though.
My time since dad’s disappearance had been spent trying to find the records, but with no luck. It seemed as though my mother had somehow found a way to erase them entirely from earth. Maddie knew what had happened, but never had the courage to tell me or repeat it. I never forced her to tell me, because it seemed to cause her so much stress. I was determined to find out, but I knew I’d have to get back to California to find out.
In spite of my mother, Jordan and I had already been planning for the 12 and a half hour drive from Utah to California that we were taking next month. We were pulling out Maddie’s family’s boat that she would occasionally use, and going out on the water. Whether my mom liked it or not, I was going back to the water. Each time I thought about it, I couldn’t help but think about my dreams. I just wouldn’t get out of the boat unless I had on a life jacket. Yeah. That’s what I’d do.
* * *
Two weeks had passed, graduation had come and gone. Jordan and I had gone to dinner with his parents and my mother, and we quickly mentioned in front of them that we planned on taking the trip, knowing they wouldn’t have an outburst in public. With his parents’ permission my mother really had no choice but to agree, and before we knew it we were all set to go. Aside from packing.
I had packed the majority of the swimsuits I owned, and taken the week off of working at a children’s swimming school. The weather was supposed to be sunny the entire week, and I was ready to return to what I called home. As I was packing, I went back and forth between bringing my stuffed octopus on the trip or not, as I had always had it with me since I was young. It was a gift that my father had brought home from a business trip when I had just barely turned 7. It was the last present I had gotten from him. I shoved it under a tacky Daytona Beach t-shirt and zipped up my suitcase.
* * *
The drive seemed to go on for ages, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to drive and be able to go more than two over the speed limit, as Jordan was creeping like a snail right along with all of the semi-trucks on the highway. Texting my mother had been a game of 20 questions, but multiplied by three. I wanted nothing more but to turn off my phone and sunbathe on a boat, but I had also been texting Maddie so she would know when we were going to arrive. Luckily, we were only 10 minutes outside of our town, and I was suddenly able to recognize my childhood.
I pointed out the small convenience store I would run to in the summers, and the bait store my dad would take me to before our fishing trips. I pointed out my grandmother’s old house, and the building dad had primarily worked from if he was home. Before I knew it we were pulling in front of Maddie’s house, and her dog Charlie was at the car door howling before I could even process that he was there.
Maddie followed him shortly after, and I embraced my best friend that I hadn’t seen in 9 years. As Jordan unpacked the suitcases, Maddie and I were already planning every detail of the boat ride that would be the next day. While it had already been 11:30 PM when we arrived in town, Maddie and I were up until nearly 4 AM talking with each other.
Once we all had woken up, we all loaded into Maddie’s beat up Ford, and we quickly set off. I hardly remember the drive down to the dock, because of how excited I was becoming. However, the part I do remember was Jordan reminding me to calm down and stop bouncing the entire time.
Maddie had us all ready to go and in the boat within 10 minutes of arriving at the dock, knowing her she had prepared most everything yesterday before we got here. Before I knew it I felt like I was a little kid again, and the only thing missing were mine and Maddie’s dads. We frequently went on boating trips together, just the four of us, and would always come home with a few fish caught. Our mothers for some reason never really did get along, so unless we were going home for just our own families, the fish fry never included moms. It was something I never really understood, because our dads had both been the best man in each others’ wedding. It was never something I put much thought into, simply because nobody really seemed to have.
Maddie had us out decently far in the ocean, to the point where we could still see the land, but there was slim chance of people seeing us. The engine suddenly began to chug loudly, and Maddie was frantically searching for the cause of the engine to die.
“I’ll just call the coast guard when we need to get back. It’s not like this never happened before to our dads, and that was over a decade ago,” I reassured her as I lay out a towel to begin sunbathing. While laying down, I heard paper ruffling in the wind, stuck under the faded and dusty orange life jackets. Curious, I pulled the pieces out cautiously. “Local Marine Biologist Murdered by Partner” was the headline. My mind became fuzzy as I realized the photos were of my father, the one that hung on my fridge back home, and a mugshot of Maddie’s.
I felt myself slowly filling with anger. Anger towards my mother, towards Maddie, towards Maddie’s father. My dad was dead, killed, by Maddie’s father. The man that I had trusted my entire childhood, the man my father had called his best friend.
“This was what you were keeping from me?” I stood up as Maddie slowly turned around and she realized what I was holding.
“Where did you find that at?” She asked, slowly approaching me, tears filling her eyes.
“This was what you were hiding?” I repeated myself
Maddie began to mutter a few words, when we all felt the boat lurch hard to the left. Something had just pushed the bottom of the boat, and I was too close to the edge. I felt myself hit the water, as I gasped for air but could not bring myself back up to the surface. I screamed and watched the bubbles rise to the surface, and my throat and nostrils began to burn from the saltwater.
Something sticky was wrapping itself around my ankles, pulling me down, down, deeper as I felt more of the sticky rope-like thing curling itself further up my legs and waist. I didn’t know what was below me, as I knew if I looked down I would see only darkness, and I must keep it so I could see some sunlight. However, the light was slowly disappearing, and I knew I would soon have no visibility.
How was I not drowning yet? My nose and throat still burned, yet my lungs still seemed to hold air. I tried to focus my energy on pulling myself upwards, but I was being held even tighter, and my shoulders, arms, and neck were now bound. There was no longer light, except for one small circle, slowly becoming larger, until something needle-like touched against my cheek.
My chest felt as though a fire had been lit inside of it as salt water rushed out of my nose and mouth. I was unable to hear much, but felt weak as paramedics lifted me onto a stretcher and into an ambulance, seeing as Maddie was left behind on the beach when they closed the doors to drive away.
