I have been a stranger my whole life to both sides of my culture. Being first-generation Chinese-American, I’ve never felt a true belonging to either side. There’s a term in Chinese for people like me: a banana, yellow on the outside and white on the inside. It was alarming how they could just pick me out in a crowd when I visited China, like I gave off the scent of a foreigner in disguise. However, I’ve grown up at home speaking Chinese, taking my shoes off before entering the house, and eating rice with chopsticks with most meals. When hanging out with my friends, I used to feel like I was suppressing a part of myself because I was worried that they’d find me weird or worse, dismiss my culture or label me as a stereotype even though I’m clearly not. I’m not good at math. I didn’t do well in school. I’m tall. I’ve been walking on the line between my two cultures and I’ve found that it is possible to balance both.
