Reflection of the Year
Coming to university, to The New school as a fashion design major student, I did not feel the changes in academics, since I was prepared from my last year of high school. From the beginning to now in university, it is already one year and my first year is finishing; only around one more week until summer holiday starts. Looking back, the biggest change when I have arrived till now is myself, where I got affected and changed or I should say developed some traits by the environment of my university. I changed from being a person who was afraid to speak out, which I also care a lot on other people’s thoughts that makes me not open to anyone to myself having more confidence to speak out and express myself more.
I was and I still am a slow-heated person. I do not think that anyone who does not know me for more than a year knows how I feel and the exact personality I have. One of my friends describes me as a hedgehog, keeping myself “safe” and avoiding many things with my “spikes”, then by time, I will soften my spikes and let others know me more. Many people who started to acquainted me thought I was a completely introvert or someone who does not like to speak. The conversations I have and the replies I have was like “yes”, “ok”, “thank you” and other shorter terms. The atmospheres was just awkward and I was too shy to express more at the start; even in classes if I do not stay long enough or know someone, I become afraid to speak. The inside of me is thinking ” Am I wrong? Should I say this? Will people think it is weird?” I had many uncertainly to myself, maybe even now sometimes the same too.
Throughout the first semester, I always video call or call my best friends who are in another country and university to seek for help and comforting, even in daily we call a lot just to chat. From social media, I feel also comfortable as well, because I can express how I feel and express myself without people’s judgments since it is quite public, so it opens to anyone, which you know you will always find the right group of people like you or people who understand you and receiving comments that empowers you to do more. These led to bringing more confidence in myself and it is one of the reasons I changed too. On the other hand, university is like a small society, however bigger than high school. I have met different people and especially in The New school individualism have stood out more than high school. Classes are small too, depending on the subject, sometimes there are 8 or 10 more. In specifically, seminar classes was where I realized that I have changed. Many classmates in seminar classes really brought out the topic and motives/ pushes others to speak up as well. It is more obvious in my second semester’s seminar class, where I feel much comfortable to speak up more. I remember the first day of class, I was not smiling, I did not stumble, sitting there like a robot that is not plugged in with electricity, but with many bits of gears inside moving around. After from the first class, getting all the information and what to do, for our discussion, we must prepare the research table. Then, we have it printed out and we brought to class to start ur conversations. I have the confidence to provide evidence and support my idea because of the research table that helped me to have a stronger base to start the discussion. Moreover, many people in the class express their opinions and experiences which shows individualism that has pushes me to go even further. By the discussions and how the seminar teacher have provided opening questions, I feel more comfortable to speak out and I get to know more about my classmates, therefore I have became not as afraid as I thought it would be.
The result from these few situations and developments in seminar classes helped me to build up my confidence and pushes me to express my individualism. I was not afraid that my opinions will offend anyone and starts to offer others my opinions too, for example, once in seminar 2 class, I can not believe myself was debating with someone. The discussion was about “if cosplay count as fashion,” and I was debating with one of my classmate that I actually do not know very well personally. Maybe I did not show how surprised I was or how nervous I was, however deep inside me has sparkles and realization of what I have overcome and improved in. I was able to express more than before. In the end, in seminar 2 class, we did not have research tables anymore, this has become stronger pieces of evidence which led me knowing what I am saying and being not passive to by others; I speak when I wanted to speak.
From the insecure of myself to being more secure and from being afraid to becoming active in speaking during classes. The freshman year in The New school is just the start of changing and improving more, I wonder how more I would change in a good way in the future. Also, being more confident to express myself to others. For the future, although my main goal is to still focus and work harder on my major, on what I like, nevertheless developing my public speaking as well too.
