Seminar Bridge 1

I remember coming inside after swimming all day and it would take my eyes a while to adjust.

 

I remember the first time I saw a boy my age cry. I was crying too, but he was crying harder.

 

I remember coming home after Katrina and trying to figure out what the giant Xs spray-painted on houses meant.

 

I remember when I stopped turning on the lights in my house because I didn’t want to see my reflection in the mirrors.

 

I remember getting my wisdom teeth yanked out and waiting for every fourth hour when I could get my pill and I would feel so good but eventually I ran out and I felt horrific and I think I now understand the opioid crisis in America.

 

I remember boys making me feel stupid during class discussions. Not because they were right but because I was, and I didn’t have the guts to tell them so.

 

I remember in tenth grade when my mom punished me so I dyed my hair black but it washed out the next day.

 

I remember turning thirteen and thinking I was old.

 

I remember sitting at my grandma’s dining room table and listening to the adults talk about how BP had fucked up big time. A few months later we took a trip to the beach and there were dark greasy globs in the water.

 

I remember cheating on my Star Spangled Banner transcription test in lower school because I wasn’t feeling particularly patriotic then, or ever, really.

 

I remember handmade birthday cards.

 

I remember writing a note to my religion teacher on the back of my test asking what “

 

I remember Julianna Dimitri telling me that her mother had sent the not so nice version of their Christmas card to families she didn’t like. I discovered the next day that we had gotten that version.

 

I remember painting over my periwinkle walls.

 

I remember when the recession hit and my mom had quit her job right before. My dad is a photographer and no one had money to buy photographs so we didn’t have money to buy anything.

 

I wish I fought more for social justice because I do a lot to help myself but not so much to help others.

 

I wish I didn’t eat every time I got bored.

 

I wish I could get it through my thick skull- once and for all- that doing things in advance would save me trouble in the long run.

 

I wish I looked a little differently- more grown up, I guess.

 

I wish everything I made came out exactly how I wanted it to, but I guess then I would never learn anything new from my mistakes. So; instead, I think I’ll wish for the ability to not beat myself up when I do make mistakes.

 

I wish I could speak 6 languages so I could be a badass and people would be impressed by me.

 

I wish I didn’t need a phone. I also wish no one else did, either.  

 

I wish I had a genie in a lamp who could make at least one of these wishes come true.

 

I wish I wasn’t so anxious. Or at the very least, I wish being anxious made me get my work done.

 

I wish I always spoke my mind. Then again, I like having the choice of whether or not I want to speak my mind…so never mind.

 

I wish I was friendlier because many people (often friends) have later confided in me that I make scary first impressions.

 

I wish I read more. Not anything in particular. I just know I would be smarter if I read more. So I guess this is synonymous with wishing I were smarter.  

 

I wish I was genuinely confident.

 

I wish I didn’t care so much what others thought of me.

 

I wish I was someone who people daydreamed about.