I grew up in a humble home in New Jersey in a family of five. We are all very loving but not very affectionate. My dad refused to take photos unless he felt he looked good enough which was almost never so, the significance of this family photo is that, its the only one my family has ever taken. I only found it about a year ago while I was looking through a drawer set that was basically abandoned since no one ever minded it, only to hide their garbage. I can’t explain how I felt when I found the photo, I had come close a few times to finding one like it but a family member would always be missing. My parents are divorced and not the best of friends, hardly friends at all actually so another family photo doesn’t seem likely.
My brother, sister and I optioned to live with our dad in the house we grew up in, not because we favored our dad more than our mom but because my mom was moving into a one bedroom apartment and to think of all four of us living there didn’t feel comfortable. Not as a replacement but more of a substitute, my mom bought cats to feel less lonely. My mom believed if she only got one cat then the cat would feel lonely when she went to work so, she bought two. My sister and I each claimed a cat for ourselves. I think my cat is the only being in the world who truly understands me.
This is the house I grew up in along with my two siblings. My mom once told me a story about how when my parents first bought this house they would drive to the corner of the street, park their car and just look at this house from a distance. I can’t imagine how that must of felt. On move in day all my parents had to sleep on was a comforter and two pillows. They were so happy. Although the exterior changes as time passes the interior hasn’t changed much.
After my parents had my brother, my dad prayed for a little girl and then I was born. Growing up and until now I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. I used to think my dad was so cool, not that I think he’s any less cool now but the older I get the affection I’m given is returned with an irritated grunt or an annoyed remark. Late at night I realize more and more he still sees the 3 year old little girl who would sing Jennifer Lopez songs for him and then I feel selfish and sometimes cry. Since my mom left him he’s worked so hard to keep the house so he works seven days a week. Even his last penny would be given to his children. I’ve never met a more selfless man.
It hasn’t always been peaches and cream with my mom. She was at school during the day and at work during the night throughout my toddler years so seeing her wasn’t as accessible as I would have liked. I still remember her taking me to class with her and on her breaks we’d go to a nearby park that had a lake and we’d sit on a bench. She’d give me a pack of M&M’s and I’d throw them at the ducks swimming around while she studied. I now know that success doesn’t happen overnight. Despite her leaving my father she has always made it a priority to stay in her children’s lives. I dream about being even just half the person she is.
My brother had it the hardest between the three of us siblings growing up. Truthfully, he still does. My brother being the eldest and the only boy my parents believe that he can do everything on his own but I know he needs help too sometimes. Even in times of hardship my brother will always look on the brighter side of things, its just who he is. I respect my brother more than I show and I know I need to work on that. My brother will do anything for me and has always made that clear, I hope I’ve made it clear that I would do the same for him too.
The only person wearing a party hat just so happens to be my favorite person in the world. Although its not mutual, I always like to pretend it is. I went to high school abroad so I really wasn’t there for my sister. I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time but ever since I’ve gotten back its something I’ll never forgive myself for doing. She is my partner in crime or as my parents like to call it we’re double the trouble. More often than not as shameful as it is to say I think I’ve depended on her more times than she has depended on me. I want to give her so much in life, but working with what I have now, I think I did a pretty good job with her thirteenth birthday party.
