Throughout the sketching process I have discovered my further lessened motivation to draw what I see, and instead to draw what I feel. I have been eliminating detail and perfection and instead have been drawing faster and faster. The speed is what keeps me going. I’ll admit, drawing gets boring for me, I have trouble representing myself abstractly through it, so keeping things quick allow me to go from one subject to another, immediately jotting down those strokes of feeling and moving on. I have realized that I draw immediate reactions and feelings. I don’t dwell on it too long, and I don’t look back at it later enough as I should (although that would be a good thing for me to do since I am trying to express feeling through it). I am wondering how I can create abstract drawings to fulfill what I am trying to do. In my head I imagine myself drawing large scale with different color makers and letting my lines get wild. Perhaps that is the direction I might go. It’s interesting, listening to myself now, talking about color when I haven’t included it in my sketchbook at all. Maybe I enjoy the cohesiveness of a black and white sketchbook; that’s something I need to learn about myself.
A few times I went home and drew nature, thinking this could be my topic of focus instead, the contrast between nature and the city. However, in the short time I was there I didn’t find myself expressing the feelings through stroke that I had wanted, and ultimately drew realistically. It was pretty, I thought, but not representative of me. It eliminated me from the piece as it was simply a pretty drawing to look at. After only a few of these drawings I stopped and went back to my thick sharpie.
I hope my final drawing can turn more into a painting because that medium allows me to tell feelings through stroke, but no matter what the medium I think I will focus on stroke and the feelings that it shows. Color will also be a useful tool for me to work on large scale.
