My obsessions in writing are the same as my obsessions in real life. I think a lot about relationships. For example, the things that drive people together or apart and why and how relationships work or don’t work. I talk a lot about friends, family, romantic interests and how we’ve related to each other. In my dream journal I wrote,
“My head was resting in as many places as it could on or around her bare legs. Atop. Beside. Beneath. I could feel her doing the same. It was just about constant contact.”
This was specifically about a girl with whom I had broken up fairly recently. I missed her tremendously and was having dreams about her every night. This particular dream and the retelling of it, particularly the line which reads, “It was just about constant contact” reflected the fact that I didn’t necessarily miss the girl. I just missed being and having an object of romantic affection. I don’t feel like complex and confusing moments like that are discussed often enough, so I like to dissect relationships, find those bizarre moments and articulate them so that I can understand.
I also talk a lot about relationships between strangers and the connections between us all that go unnoticed. For example, in my dream rewrite I describe three men who “look like a gradient scale” due to their attire, level of hair loss and skin tone, “but do not see their similarity.” I savour moments like this. I think it just makes the world feel a bit smaller and easier to manage. I often get wrapped up in the thought that there are literal billions of people who don’t know each other at all. Not a face, not a name, not a favorite color. It feels kind of overwhelming to know that the world is full of strangers so it’s nice to find a way to connect a few of them into groups.
So, basically, throughout this semester I’ve learned that I’m obsessed with human connection. The way we treat each other, feel about each other and perceive each other and the infinite possibilities regarding why.
