I started this representational gestural “self portrait” by listing 32 memories that I had with my personal object. My object was toothpaste but I used this object to talk about my complicated personal history with dentistry, orthodontic treatment, TMJ (clenching and grinding), and family business. 32 memories was the perfect amount – a memory for each tooth! Here I have my 32 memories starting from front to back
(longer memories continued onto back of page)
After creating that list I had to make 32 individual gestures on a page using graphite and charcoal. This was slightly challenging at first, as I had a natural tendency to want to draw “forms” rather than create gestures, or different lines displaying a variety of thickness, boldness, and path. Each box correlates with a memory from my list, starting from the top left and moving across 4 and then following the row beneath, just like reading sentences in a book.
Using my favorite gestures that I though best represented my physical and palatial pain of clenching and grinding, I began to create a representational “self portrait”. Here I am a toothpaste tube being squeezed so hard that toothpaste has spilled out of my head – sometimes when I’m clenching so hard it honestly feels like my head could explode off my body. I chose this angle because I think the tube almost looks “defeated” as it’s crinkled and cast downward, which is how I feel when I think about how embarrassed I am to have a dentist as a father but have so many orthodontic issues. I wanted to show the shape of the toothpaste being squeezed, but more important I thought about using harsh gestures to emphasize the stress of my clenching situation with my family history and how it so closely connects with my emotional state and vice versa. To clarify, when I’m upset or stressed out, I clench, and when I clench I get upset thinking about how long my dental “journey” has taken, how I wish it was easier for me, and how I hate having to experience almost constant headaches. It is a frustrating vicious cycle and I thought I expressed that well by drawing extra gestures around the tube to signify an overwhelming “pressure”, which I face physically in my jaw joints and mentally to get through all my treatment successfully.
The second part of this bridge project was to create a self-portrait out of future memories, or things I thought I might be doing or experiencing that I haven’t yet.
I began my Future Memories Self Portrait by looking at my original self-portrait and list and then trying to brainstorm 32 memories that I might have with my toothpaste, clenching/grinding, dentistry, and family business in the future. I’ll admit that coming up with 32 memories was pretty challenging for me and took longer than I thought because it gave a lot of space for daydreaming or things I have only ever talked about but haven’t experienced.
Here my 32 memories are listed front to back on 2 pieces of paper.
Future Memories Page 1
Future Memories Page 1 continued
Future Memories Page 2
Future Memories Page 2 continued
From that list, I made gestures that correlated the emotions I had attached to each memory. Even though I made a list of gestures like this for the first project I was super excited to incorporate color to help tell my emotional story. Although I can’t point out if I used green for all my future memories of learning or helping to educate others, or purple for all my memories involving my dads office, I found it interesting that I kept gravitating towards the same colors and almost immediately after thinking about a “future memory” I would think naturally “oh yes this one is light blue”. I did not expect the color choice to flow as freely as it did but I’m glad it happened that way and felt organic – it almost made my future memories seem more real in a way.
Each box correlates with a memory from my list, starting from the top left and moving across 4 and then following the row beneath, just like reading sentences in a book.
I knew I didn’t want this portrait to focus on the actual form of a toothpaste tube so I chose some varied and favorite gestures of my future memories and went to town. In this portrait, I started with a canvas of gesture “7” which was “feeling physically free from the pain of TMJ” I used a light blue charcoal stick on its side and did soft wavering loops and zigzags to show the airy and light feeling of having the physical stress leave from ones face. Following that, I added the blue and red almost heartbeat like lines that run parallel left to right. These represent the tests of a DEE (Detailed Extensive Evaluation) on the neuromuscular k7 unit. Basically, this unit measures muscle activity to indicate if there is TMJ. I Started these two different colored lines with the same NMK7 test style but halfway through the page, I let each line evolve into a separate gesture/future memory. The blue line turns into happy experimental squiggles and seems to ask the kind of possibilities I could explore after treatment – such as getting veneers 0r getting my teeth whitened. I wanted to emphasize the freedom of being able to think about the cosmetics that make up my smile after the function was finally down. On the less superficial side, the red line fades into the relief of seeing my muscle activity lowered and feeling the weight of getting through treatment being taken off my shoulders. These gestures I have all mentioned are then basically encompassed by a giant purple circle showing the possibilities I have down the line such as following in my dad’s footsteps and opening a practice of my own or taking over his practice now. This was one of the future memories that I definitely think about and want to happen but almost seem impossible because of the huge obstacles like dental school and keeping up with the equipment and overhead needed to run a practice. Moving onto the middle I have all my excitement about creating artwork out of dental supplies and technology, such as milling tiny objects in the crown milling chamber, using neuromuscular tests as a print on a fabric, or painting with toothpaste. These are all ideas I’ve always dreamed about doing and can definitely see myself doing in the near future. Lastly, I have my red fingerprint gestures at the edges of the paper wrapping the other gestures. These red fingertips represent “smiling at my graduation” which is very simple but the sentiment grounds me and reminds me my bite and smile isn’t always about stress and dealing with TMJ, sometimes my mouth is simply used to express happy feelings such as the pride and joy I will feel upon graduating from Parsons.
