The Process:
First, we each collected 36 images that revolved around the idea of “nostalgia”; I chose to capture items that students in my dorm brought with them from home to keep them grounded and from getting homesick. When we moved on to the video, I decided to incorporate a piece of writing I wrote in my Seminar class as a monologue. The monologue took place in an airport and describes the bittersweet and unsettling thoughts rolling through my head as I stood in line. I liked this theme because it is one that I’ve felt every single time that I have moved to another city, and it is a widespread feeling that connects all of my classmates and I.
images from the video
The Text: A Memory
It was 4:50am. I was in line by myself at the airport. I could feel my eyes glazing over. Fatigue. The night before was entirely consumed with, “our last night together is supposed to be fun” and “I hope he can’t tell I’m crying.” I was tired. A permanently furrowed brow, a churning stomach, and an increasingly unbearable feeling of loss festered behind my eyes. I looked at my blank phone– all of my Miami friends were in bed. Drops of light flooded the sky with lighter shades than the navy I had gazed at in the car ride here. I refused to leave the nick-nacks from the people I love at home. I had a care package. They said I’d need it when the big city got a little too hard to swallow. I still think home-sickness is bullshit. I’ve lived in six different cities, attended eight different schools, and that I don’t even know which home I would be “sick” about missing. But I was already feeling terribly people sick. That’s what it should be called. My mother could tell if I was upset from the curve of my brow, the slightest dip in my chin, or a certain blankness in my stare. My boyfriend ran his fingers along the skin on the back of my hand like it was gold. I didn’t have to think or worry or stress around any of the people that lovingly signed their names on colored paper in my lavender gym-bag-care-package with bad jokes and flickering images of our futures. The airport staff was yelling. Crowds of people followed like sheep. I watched mothers say goodbye to other college students. I watched dazed-looking travellers with headphones in. And that was it. I wouldn’t see my friends on a daily basis anymore. I wouldn’t text my mom my preference for dinner every night anymore. I wouldn’t yell at my brother for leaving my bedroom door slightly open anymore. These weren’t the only thoughts in my head, though. New York City– my dream since the sixth grade. The newfound sense of independence, all the opportunities, the coffee, the art I’d make! Anticipation. Giddiness. Nostalgia. Pain. Guilt. A whirlwind. I didn’t know how to handle myself.
video link: https://vimeo.com/236493298
