I remembered I became an alcoholic from then.
As that time started, I was in the first year of my college, at a place called Parsons, I don’t know if you have heard of it, it’s in New York. Anyway, I was pretty excited. I had no idea what is ahead of me, or my life would flip at that point. I was just a young, naive, first-year college student, like everyone else standing in front of that giant glass building as if a space ship had dropped from the sky in the middle of the city. To be honest, that was what grabbed me, I mean, it is how an art school should look like right? I had been lied to. Can you believe that was my only thought for the entire year? I had been blinded by the shiny cover of melting chocolate.
My life before Parsons was dry before I came to New York. There was nothing worthy to be written nor painted—wide, boring, like the dusted desert. Friends circle I could not fit in, day after day studying things I had zero interest in. I was one of the sand that made up the desert. My art and words were the same things, the same darkness in a different version. That was the only place I had that was separate from the plain and dry world. I had nothing to tell or repeat. They were straight from my head, not even my heart, my head, and thoughts, no feeling. Strange images and bad poetry associates, that’s my art, broken and meaningless. I had nothing to tell, there was nothing worthy.
I realized the contradiction of reality at the age of twenty. New York was a magical city. If friends could be separated into two parts, one is gathered by the distance of hearts, the second is by physical distance. The former is hard to be found, the latter is encouraged especially well in New York. It is a way crowded city when people are pushed together like ducks, they can’t help but sympathize. If my life was a curve graph, it suddenly changes from a gentle slope to an Electrocardiogram. My hearted had never had so much emotional fluctuation at such a short period of time. You know when you are given only one type of breakfast day after day, you could hate it but endlessly you accept and used to it. At that point, if somehow you are provided with a candy shop, things change, you now have the choice. Demons whispering at your ears, people changes, your changes, and New York is that candy shop. Back to that chocolate thing, I’m sure you are confused about what I said earlier. Parsons is that box chocolate with the most shining foil, put at the center of the room, with the most expensive tag. You are tempted by its shine and glazing, finally, you bought it and find out chocolate melts under the light. I learned nothing but the only experience in that year. But those experiences worth more than anything. They intended to give us education for each area, explore ourselves in the world of art they said. And that was when I reach the dream of my life. The person you see today started from there. I always had satisfaction of film, the art of light and shadow. The beginning was always hard, I was a headless chicken in that area. However, they had classes provided me the instruction. A door opened for me. They borrowed me the key. I failed deeply in love with shooting and editing films. Nights and nights I spent on a small project flies without notice. You look confused? Of course, why should I be a fashion designer if I was so into the film? The reason is simple but ridiculously sad: Parsons did not have a film major. They push me down the rabbit hole of film and told me it would only be a dream. It was fine actually, Tom Ford makes movies too right? People say never choose your hobby as your job, so I will leave that dream aside.
I did not mention a thing about alcoholics I know, because there wasn’t anything special happened, it was New York, the city. Isn’t it funny how people come to a more crowded place and feel more lonely? If the crowd does not belong to you, or it had, stepping aside from fire the sparks would never be enough. Sometimes experiences are more important then knowledge, young man, you have to know. Your life is so long and branches out, with flowers or leaves is up to you.
