What is My relationship with my body, and how can I display it?
- Film
- 5
- Soft
I was excited to make a short film, and I had previously thought of the first scene in the shower, but I was unsure what to use it in. I started from there, and realized that almost all of my time in the shower is spent thinking about my body. I tried to come up with other times that I think about my body, which led me to the dressing and undressing scene, then the eating. Eating is a huge problem for me. I hate it when people watch me eat. I do not want people to associate me with food. I hate it. So I crush it. In my wooden clogs, a pair of shoes I feel are very ‘me’. The frying eggs are representative of my body. The human body is bilateral, so I chose two eggs, for two eyes, two legs, two breasts, two ovaries, etc. The part where I break the yokes is supposed to represent my rejection of my body, and my hatred of its overt femininity. I end the film with a simple scene of my stomach, the part of me that I am most ashamed of, to signify that even though I spend all this time disgusted with myself, I am still here, and it is still me. I have learned that it is really difficult to find the energy to put yourself on camera, especially when the whole point was to record myself when I felt most vulnerable, and then to have to watch those scenes over and over again was almost torturous. But something about doing this has almost made me more comfortable in my body. Like I am seeing it how it really is, and I am getting used to it.
