Category: Integrative Seminar 2

The Overbearing and The Neglected Final Paper

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Parenting can be a struggle. There are courses to teach you the proper ways of swaddling, feeding, and changing a baby, but it is difficult to say what is the best way to raise a child. Because of this, some parents can fall into the trap of being overbearing and feel the necessity to check on their children’s every move, while others choose to push their children towards independency before they are mature enough. Needless to say, this doesn’t mean there aren’t any families that can meet in between and be successful, but there are many families who just can’t find the balance.

My parents grew up as what is known as “latch key kids”. They both immigrated from overseas when they were around the age of eight years old. My mother grew up in a family of thirteen. Her mother lived in America while she lived in the Philippines and by the time my grandmother had enough money to help her immigrate to the US, my grandmother had also built her own new life without her children. Thus my mother grew up primarily raised by her older brothers and sisters. She moved in with my father at the early age of eighteen ready to start building her new life too early.

Similarly, my father grew up taking care of his younger brother alone. My grandfather worked as a Taiwan ambassador. He always travelled around the world leaving my grandmother to care for her children alone. However, she also chose to pursue her own interests and keep herself busy when my father and uncle were growing up.  She would work at a beauty parlor for years so she could raise her own spending money. Due to his loneliness, my father become pretty reckless at a young age. My father would often tell me stories of getting kicked out of college, throwing desks out of windows, and engaging in drag races on the streets. However, when he grew up he started realizing his behavior was bad and completely shifted his mindset.

The term “latch key kid” became a commonplace when describing members of Generation X; those who were born from the 60’s to the 80’s.[1] It was used to describe children who were left alone after school to take care of themselves while their parents were away at work. This generation was the first to experience mass numbers of parents dropping their children off at day care.

Before this, the first time children were seen being left home alone so much was during the 40’s when their fathers went off to fight in World War II. Consequently, to support the family, mothers were left to get a job to bring home the annual income. [2]

This shifted for the next generation as most fathers were absent in the family due to the high rate of divorce. When it came to the law and it was time for the two parents would split their belongings, the paternal side did not have much “legal pull”[3], leaving mothers full responsibility to take care of their children alone.

The divorce rate was so high while many women strived to gain independence. This period became transformative for women as they set out to explore political and sexual freedom. Women were participating in this new women’s movement without much financial stability and this ultimately lead to the neglect of many children. In turn, about 40 percent of children who grew up in Generation X turned out to be “latch key kids”. This left the children with little to help guide them, and a research study made in 2004 called The Reach Advisors found that this generation “went through its all-important formative years as one of the least parented, least nurtured generations in U.S. history.”[4]

This becomes a problem because without the proper guidance and nurturing, children are more susceptible to bad behavior and tendencies. They become bored easily when alone and mistrust a lot of those on the outside. It is debatable to say whether or not being a “latchkey kid” was a good or bad thing as children did become more aware and independent. However, according to Nancy Flowers and Steven B. Mertens in “Should Middle School Grades Be Left Home Alone After School?” those who rebelled also could be easily succumbed to peer pressure and would start smoking, drinking, inducing drugs, and participating in sexual activities.[5]

I grew up in the opposite family style from my parents, which is called a “helicopter parent family”. Meaning, I have parents who hover over my every move, whether it is in regards to my education, safety, or social life. “Helicopter parents” aren’t necessarily your average strict parent. They take control of many of their child’s experiences, successes, and failures.

Many “latchkey kids” from 80’s have fears from how they were raised so they now have the encouragement to raise their own children differently. From these fears of repeating their past, some debate that today’s children are being coddled too much to a point where it becomes over bearing. Many families are now seen as providing too much for their children where as back then they had been seen to neglect their children. In today’s society, any signs of neglect towards children would not be accepted or even tolerated in some cases.

When my parents met, they both had grown distant from their families. When they decided to settle down and have a family, my father, like many other “helicopter parents”, vowed they would not repeat his parent’s mistakes of neglecting him as a child. In contrast, my father always overcompensated for everything by making sure I was always productive and doing the right thing. Nothing could be out of order without him getting angry about it. There was always a lot of pressure on me to get in the right business school, have the top grades, and to be the best at everything I do because everything was a competition in his eyes. My mother had been a bit more lenient when it came to parenting, which only made him angrier when something wasn’t done his way.

My parents would often get in fights and stand offs my parents about raising me, money, and conflicts with their families, so there were times I got anxious and depressed throughout high school. But as I grew older and I was ready to go off to college, my father came into conflict with finally letting me go. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to let me leave even though he knew it was time for me to start becoming my own person.

As he released his hold, I started to realize my father has always had the best intentions for us and he wanted to make sure we didn’t go through any of the troubles that he went through in his past.

“Helicopter parenting” usually comes from families who grew up in a highly educated middle class house hold, so they could share their social and financial resources with their kids. A study found that 73 percent of parents in their 40’s or 50’s gave their children financial help in 2013.[6] The fear now is that kids are going to be protected to a point where they become weak and can’t stand up for themselves. It was found that many young adults in their 20’s move around from job to job when the workload isn’t right and they no longer have resilience or good work ethic.[7] In my opinion, whether or not a child grows up as a “latch key kid” or in a “helicopter parent family” they will each grow and mature with age and become independent from their families at their own pace.

There is no saying which direction of parenting is best. Everyone grows up differently and this influences a lot of our thoughts and beliefs. Where we come from becomes who we are as we start to adopt little habits and tendencies our parents teach us.

 

 

Works Cited

 

[1] “A Teacher’s Guide to Generation X Parents.” Edutopia. 2010. Accessed April 19, 2016. http://www.edutopia.org/generation-x-parents-relationships-guide.

[2] “CBC Discusses circa 1939: Who Had It Better- Barbarians or Modern Man? – Home | Rewind with Michael Enright | CBC Radio.” CBCnews. 2014. Accessed April 19, 2016. http://www.cbc.ca/radio/rewind/cbc-discusses-circa-1939-who-had-it-better-barbarians-or-modern-man-1.2819690.

[3] Thomas, Susan Gregory. “All Apologies: Thank You for the ‘Sorry'” The Huffington Post. Accessed April 19, 2016. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-gregory-thomas/all-apologies-thank-you-f_b_931718.html.

[4] “A Teacher’s Guide to Generation X Parents.” Edutopia. 2010. Accessed April 19, 2016. http://www.edutopia.org/generation-x-parents-relationships-guide.

[5]  Mertens, Steven B; Flowers, Nancy “Should Middle Grades Students Be Left Home Alone After School?”, September 5, 2006

[6] “Boomer Parenting/Grand-ing.” The Boomer Expert. Accessed April 19, 2016. http://www.theboomerexpert.com/boomer-parentinggrand-ing.html.

[7] “Have Our Kids Gotten Soft? Five Ways to Teach Them Grit.” CNN. Accessed April 19, 2016. http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/14/health/grit-teaching-resilience-children-parenting/.

 

Keep Life Simple

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My mother is sometimes afraid I am going to become some type of hoarder because of the way I keep my bedroom at home. Old papers and files are stock piled on my desk and tucked in corners of my room. Clean clothes that still need to be put away just sit around on my coach. Nine opened bottles of water are scattered around. This mess tends to build up over time as I rush around my work space. I will eventually clean up my room, but this usually takes me months to find enough time and energy to do so. However, my mother still jokes about how it will just become messy again, so why bother.

When I sit down to think about it, I become slightly offended, but at the same time she has a point.  I look at all the things I own and think about how much do I really need and which of these items actually identify me. Amongst all my junk, there are a few things that I can isolate as things I use everyday that do hold significance to me.

For instance, I have a set of retainers in my mouth at all times during the day and night: top and bottom. I’ve owned them for about four years; however, I’ve only kept them in for about two months now. I get slightly embarrassed because I feel like that eighteen-year old “adult” who still has to wear braces, even though it is my own wrong doing. This insecurity only tempts me to take take them again even more. When I was in middle school, I was actually good when it came to my teeth. I had braces on and a rigorous routine to clean them everyday to go along with them. However, once the doctor took them off and gave me my first set of removable retainers in high school, I was a mess. I probably lost them two or three times.

The last pair that I wear now, my mother threatened if I lost them again she wouldn’t buy new ones and I would just have to live with crooked teeth. I never lost them again, but I did continue forgetting to put them on to a point where my teeth shifted so much my doctor almost called them unfixable.

I think medical everyday items are always so intriguing. Outside in waiting rooms, families and friends grieve for their loved ones committed to the hospital bed. One bed can hold memories for hundreds of patients who lie there. There are so many patients to care for as there are billions of people looking to survive and ways to prolong life as long as possible across the world. So naturally, each facility, each doctor, and each patient has their own set of stories.

These stories can sometimes help us identify a sort of progression or change in our history and how events have unfolded to the results we see today. Somewhere in the Natural Museum of American History lays a medical bracelet that belonged to a boy named Taylor Dahley. In 1995 he was the first recipient of a bone marrow transplant because he was born with a Severe Combined Immune Deficiency. This disease would have eventually killed him if it weren’t for the procedure. [1]

Doctors and scientist have been able to continue developing this procedure since their first test on Taylor. The bracelet is a reminder of the advancement the world has seen with our technologies and what good new discoveries can sometimes bring to us. Although geneticists are still looking for a cure for the disease, we now know it is at least treatable. This one procedure has been able to help thousands who also carry SCID.[2] Many kids who have this disease have been granted a happier and more fulfilling life and are able to grow to adulthood.

One mother who became in awe of this object after she conceived her own baby, brought up a valid point. Small objects such as these could have been thrown away easily, but sometimes they hold the greatest stories. She was seven months pregnant and watching her babies heart beat on an ultrasound when she came to the realization: “Science has now given us the ability to detect problems in utero, but to actually correct them with extremely sophisticated surgeries.”[3] She feels safer knowing if there had been some issues with the health of her children, she has more opportunities now to help them.

When it comes to more widely used or common items I carry around with me everywhere, I don’t like to bring much besides my wallet. Even when it comes to jewelry, I tend to not over complicate my style with any gaudy accessories. I wear a pair of earrings so my piercings don’t close, a necklace with a symbol of my move to New York, and a ring of a mask my parents gave to me when I was in middle school. I tend to be pretty reckless, so wearing and bringing less means I have fewer hassles and things to worry about. Plus, I have very sensitive skin that doesn’t react well to any metals and plastic I wear.

Aside from jewelry, I think one of the most important things I wear are on my wrist. It is something that most girls wear around, which is a set of hair ties. I’ve snapped these time and time again, but they are one of the most useful items I carry around everyday whether or not I use them. I feel like tying up a girl’s hair means they are ready to work and get focused. When you see images of women or even men with their hair tied up and pulled out of their face, there are always some sort of determination to get things done. Hair can be a fun thing to style when it is long, but it can also become a burden when the time comes work or run around. Which is why it’s one of the essential items I feel I must always carry.

What a person carries with them can tell a lot about them. Sometimes even after a horrible accident, our items still hold a certain level of importance as they can sometimes even help identify us. When a site is being investigated, police will typically collect all kinds of evidence from the area and archive them to look at them closer for any clues and hints. Our items become a record for who we are at a certain period in time because they can tell our stories, personalities, emotions, and tendencies.

In Pima County Office of the Medical Examiner in Tucson, Arizona, forensics are trying their best to identify those who have died trying to cross the border from Mexico. By just studying these people’s belongings they can tell “stories of lives and dreams cut short, of people who combed their hair, brushed their teeth, smoked cheap cigarettes, read the Bible, and had lovers and loved ones whom they missed and who missed them.”[4] When looking at these items some of them are very similar to what I or anybody else might carry on them: spare change, ear buds, cigarettes, lighters, old pictures and letters. However, the stories and experience the people also carried are significantly different.

Although I own a lot of things around my house and dorm, some hold a greater importance than others. But it is the little things that help define and tell something about a who I am.

 

 

[1] James, Susan, “Bubble Boy Disease, Nearly Always Fatal, Could Have Cure,” ABC News, December 2013.

[2] James, Susan, “Bubble Boy Disease, Nearly Always Fatal, Could Have Cure,” ABC News, December 2013.

[3] Smith, Megan, “The Importance of Small Things,”The National Museum of American History, April 2009.

[4] Jaramillo, Juliana, “Love Letters, A Toothbrush, A Bible,” Slate, September 2015.

Self Evaluation

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It is mid-way through the second semester at The New School and I am both surprised and not surprised by how much I have been able to gain from these past few months in college. I always love taking a writing course, because as much as I love hands on projects, Seminar really does help reflect on those pieces we create and become more in tune with my self. Without this class I feel like I would lack some sort of outlet to be able to reflect on everything I have done, created, and learned.

This semester, I decided to focus in on Visual Cultures. When I first signed up for the course I did not know what this entailed. I have always been interested in marketing, so I was hoping the class might pertain to that topic. I love that out of Seminar I am able to learn about visual cultures through media and in the society I live in, and then on Fridays during studio we are able to jump to someone else’s culture from around the world.

I think I am still struggling to find my voice when it comes to writing papers about the reading assignments we are given, and I hope it is something I am able to correct over the next half of the semester. However, I did really enjoy our paper based on Simultaneous Perceptions. I always enjoy writing about things based on my own stories and experiences. When I go out into the field to conduct research whether it is performing interviews, taking photographs, or observing things around me; I am always interested in what I can find and learn. I think getting that hands on experience is very unique to Parsons and I am glad it is something this school tries to emphasize.

I used to be very consumed with my phone and just my own thoughts, but since taking courses such as this one, I feel like I have seen the city and what is going on around me from a who different perception that I would have never appreciated before until now.

I also enjoyed the reading ‘Shitty First Drafts’. It taught me that when it comes to writing or creating anything really, don’t get stuck in your own thoughts. Just let what you’re feeling come out and revise later. I think this first semester I have been learning and gaining what I had hoped to and I am excited to continue seeing what is to come further down the line. My outcomes may not have come out the way I wanted them too, but that doesn’t mean it’s ever too late to revise and that is what the learning process is all about.

Plugged In Then Out

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Waiting to catch the N train, standing on the platform with my face behind my phone was oddly frightening. I was so self-conscious with thoughts such as, “Who will try to steal my phone? What if someone decided to shove me over the yellow line? Am I blocking anyone?” All things my parents consistently remembered to warn me about when being cautious while I am walking around the city. Right then I was breaking just about every rule they set for me before the Fall semester when I left home in New Jersey.

I tried my hardest to block out any outside noise by listening to music on Spotify, checking my emails, reading downloaded books, and trying to text my parents. Of course I had no service at most of the subway stops, but even trying to spot if I had a few bars in the tunnels so I could text my parents and let them know I was alright will sometimes distract me from the outside world.

My theory is if I had this experience in another setting, my feelings towards the environment may have changed. When interviewing Alicia Raines about her perspective of the time she spent distracting herself on the computer at the UC cafeteria, she explained, “I just sat around doing homework. Honestly, I picked the location because it was right after class. I have probably only been there five times, but I think I liked it better when I was on my electronics because when I was aware of my surroundings I looked around at everyone with each other and hanging out and I was there by myself. That day was like most of the other times I have gone, I am typically on my phone by myself. I do think if was at a different place like the subway I would have gotten a whole different experience because in that environment you would need to use a lot more of your senses.” [1]

In my situation, due to safety factors and all the events happening around me all at once in a busy location, I felt more comfortable knowing my phone and computer were safely tucked away.

Even though our feelings were completely different, the way we experienced both a non focused and focused situation in our own environments were alike. When asking Alicia how she felt about her experience she mentioned, “When I was doing my homework I was so focused on what I was doing and I was so deep into my own world that I just didn’t think of anything except for my own thoughts and the paper.”1

On my ride back to Union Square from Midtown, I started notice things in the subway that I had missed out when I not looking at my environment. The overall experience of being more aware felt different and more open. I started to see the common things you see in stations from the ads on the wall for Lion King on Broadway and an iPhone app called “Squarespace”, to the art I feel as if most people don’t typically pay attention to.

This station had beautiful aqua colored tiles lining the wall and shadow boxes embedded in them that contained glazed ceramic sculptures to create the masterpiece of Toby Buonagurio called Times Square Times: 35 Times. The theme behind the sculptures was to depict the different senses people feel while walking through Times Square and Midtown, whether it was from the smell of fresh pretzels or sound of street performances. I even passed by plenty of 9/11 memorials that I never even realized had been down there before even though I had come to the station hundreds of times before.

Buonagurio1m[2]

Times-Square-Times-1[3]

Then there was the music that travels throughout the long passageways such as a man belting out loud folk music at the top of his lungs. Usually I don’t hear the music playing down here because I have my music blasting through my headphones. Suddenly I felt bad because these artists were just trying to make a living just like as everyone else by displaying their talents. Yet, there I always was trying to tune them out for my own artificial music made in studios when there were live performances going on in the background.

When I got to the train I started hearing some conversations. I typically like to block out what I hear on the streets because I usually hear someone saying something foul or cat calling. That day I saw a man trying to point to his girlfriend some sort of phallic drawing on the seat she decided to sit on. Besides him, everyone else on the train remained silent. There were a few other conversations here and there, but now it was my turn to observe people half asleep and hidden behind their phones as I had been just a few hours before. No one really cared much for anything on the subway as commuting is such a mundane task to get through during the day.

Trying to be aware with all my senses I heard a few knuckles cracking and people speaking midway through the train ride. I started to feel a little chilly as there was a bit of a draft in the air. I had one of those head colds where you feel slightly too hot all over your body, but your head is freezing. Which was due to all my running around prior to that ride. The bags of fabric I was carrying started to weigh down my shoulders, and I started to feel a little bloated from eating too much food the night before. However, I could not depict any scents in the air that were distinguishable.

One thing that happened that day actually caught me so off guard I had to laugh at myself on my way home. On the subway ride I took to get to Midtown I passed by a man with a black smudge on his forehead. I thought it might have just been a beauty mark so I didn’t think much of it at the time and went back to reading my phone. It wasn’t until my second ride I sat down and saw five other people sitting on the train with similar marks when I realized that it was Ash Wednesday!

Alicia’s second part of her experience had been similar to mine where once she decided to unplug her devices, she was stunned by all the commotion she was just beginning to noticing. For the first time in a couple of hours, “I didn’t realize how loud everyone else was being, but when I finally decided to look around me I realized that it was a crowded place. I guess the feeling was like going from tunnel vision to noticing everything. When I stopped listening to my music and started working on stuff it was like a whole new world of surroundings.” [4]

I never realized what a difference it would make to be fully aware of your surroundings. Suddenly I was more connected to what was happening and I felt as if I was able to gain more from what was going on around me by looking up rather than down at my screen for once. I saw a seven-year-old girl playing with a pink iPhone down in the station that day and began thinking how the world has changed so much. I remember being her age and carrying around my parents’ old flip phones they no longer used with no battery in it pretending to dial fake numbers. Each generation is just so different from the next, and you never really become aware of that until you think back to your own past experiences.

[1] Raines, Alicia, Interview by author, February 14, 2016, New York, NY. digital recording.

 

[2] Times Sqaure Times: 35 Times by Toby Buonagurio, http://web.mta.info/mta/aft/permanentart/permart.html?agency=NYCT&line=A&station=5&artist=3

 

[3] Buonagurio, Toby and Edgar, Top, left to right: “Tourist Lady with Subway Map,” “Child with Hotdog Vendor,” “Subway Scene.” Bottom, left to right: “New Year’s Eve Party Dec. 31,” “Magic Show,” “Theater Mask-Female-Comedy” 2005, Times Square Times: 35 Times, Toby Buonagurio.

 

[4] Ibid. Raines, Alicia